Archive for briana@brianagwhitaker.com

Going to Church Is Not Just About YOU

This post, inspired by my VBS students, is for all the parents out there, both married and single, who are working hard to take care of their kids financially but are missing out on another important element of raising children. Please read and share with someone you know who needs to hear this truth. It just may set them free.

These past few days I have bfamily at church.gifeen teaching a youth Vacation Bible School class consisting of children ages 7-10, and I must say that I’ve been amazed. I’m amazed at how excited these children are to learn more about the Lord. I’m amazed at how much they already know about His Word. I’m amazed at how boldly they testify about God blessing them. I’m amazed at the depth of the things they’ve prayed to God about–things that an adult may not even think to pray. Moments like these make me, as a new parent, grateful to be a part of a ministry that teaches the Word, not just Bible stories, and takes the salvation of our youth seriously. How did these youngsters become so deeply rooted in God’s Word? It’s quite simple, really. Their parents raised them in church.

I’ve come across quite a few people over the years, particularly men and single moms who have told me they don’t go to church because they have to work. Yes, you most certainly have to work to provide for your family. The Bible backs that up completely. But money ain’t everything, and when you are obedient to God He won’t let you go lacking. Get this, your biggest priority is to provide spiritual nourishment to your family by taking them to church on a consistent basis so they can be fed God’s Word. You don’t just feed them every now and then do you? How about just on holidays? Of course not. They would be malnourished, and you would be guilty of neglect if you did. Well, you can be just as guilty of neglect with God if you deprive your children of the spiritual nourishment and development that consistently being in God’s house provides. Hebrews 10:25 (GNT) says,

Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.

In addition, taking your children to church is a part of the spiritual training that God commands, not suggests, that Christian parents do. Proverbs 22:6 says this…

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

A large part of training is practicing what you preach. In other words, it’s demonstrating to your children that what you are telling them to do is also important to you. I don’t know about you but I have trouble with people who require me to do something they are not willing to do themselves. Your children may feel the same way if all you do is send them to church while you do whatever it is you do until they get back. It sends the message that going to church isn’t important. They may be inclined to repeat that same pattern of behavior when they become parents. The bottom line, folks, is this. You are the ordained spiritual covering for your household as a parent, and God is holding you responsible for raising the next generation of righteous people. You cannot do that apart from His House. And yes, we are to foster a Word and worship atmosphere in our homes as well, but personal private worship should not replace corporate worship. It should compliment it.

My intent is not to be judgmental here. I am speaking from experience. Growing up, I didn’t go to church every Sunday. For years we only went on special occasions like Easter and New Year. Truthfully, dressing up for Easter is all I can really remember about church as a young child. I think I was about six or seven when my mom and I started going every Sunday. I don’t think we were regular Bible study goers until much later than that. So what’s my point? If I were to compare myself as a child to the children in my VBS class they would have run circles around me in church and in life because they have been blessed to be raised in the church, which has given them a strong foundation in the Word. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad for the foundation I did get, but I believe I would have been so much farther along in my faith walk if I had been taught faith from the very beginning.

So here are a few practical tips that will help you get to a place where consistent church attendance is possible.

  1. Change your work schedule if you can. If you have any control over your schedule, take church times off.  If you don’t have a say in the matter, pray about it. The good thing about having a divine connection with your Heavenly Father is that He hears your prayers. If you are praying according to His will (you going to church is His will), He will give you what you desire (1 John 5:15). You could just send them to church with someone else while you go to work or stay home to rest, but they need to see you worship God. One of my favorite quotes says “Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” You should want your children to imitate a good work ethic, but you should want even more for them to imitate a good worship ethic.
  2. Be persistent. If a hectic work schedule is not your issue, you have got to learn persistence when it comes to church attendance. Rainy weather is not a reason to miss church. Tiredness is not a reason to miss church. Hard times are not even a reason to miss church. Truth be told, we press for everything else we want to do–shopping, ball games, hair appointments, concerts, etc. etc. etc. As far as hard times and disappointments go, church is the best place you could be when you are going through. We find encouragement in the Word and strength from others of like faith in the sanctuary. Your children need this. YOU need this. Don’t let the minor setbacks of life keep you out of God’s house and out of fellowship with His people.
  3. Find a Word-based church. Not being able to find a church is no excuse either because there’s a church on every corner just about. BUT it is so uber important to find a church that is teaching the Word of God. In these days and times we don’t need to hear Bible stories. We need to hear truth that will prepare us for the daily spiritual battles we will face. If you don’t currently have a church like that pray that God will lead you where He wants to plant you. Yours and your children’s spiritual growth depends on it because the more you learn and grow the more you can instill in them.

So, regularly attending church is about you, but it is also about your children. Face it, being a parent requires much sacrifice. To whom much is given much is required. God blessed us when He gave us our children, and He is requiring that we give them the best possible care that we can physically, emotionally, AND spiritually.

What are your thoughts? Can you attest to how regular church attendance has helped your family?

Protect Your Heart From Unavailable People

Today’s post isEmotionally Unavailable for single men and women. I ran across someone in this situation, so I thought I’d share my two cents in case someone else needs to hear it. I pray that it empowers you to protect a very vital and influential part of you–your heart.

Have you ever had something really important to tell someone and tried calling them, but got their voicemail? Instead of the familiar voice you were hoping to hear so you could get this urgent matter off your chest you hear this, “The person you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time.” Really?!!! It drives me bananas, especially if it’s my husband. What do I do? I keep calling and calling back, hoping that he will finally pick up, and the more I call the more frustrated I get. I begin to wonder, What could he possibly be doing that he can’t hear his phone ringing? I could be having a REAL emergency for all he knows. I’m really not, but the point is I need to talk. I’m feeling annoyed right now just thinking about it.

As frustrating as that might be, being involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable is ten times worst. I’ve been a victim of that too in the past, and I know how confusing and hurtful it can be. So in an effort to try and help a brother or a sister out I thought I’d share a few thoughts about how to handle it when you’re tempted to share your precious heart with an emotionally unavailable person.

First things first. What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable? Jesus dealt with and ministered about this type of person in Matthew 15:8 when He said, “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.” He recognized that the scribes and Pharisees had heart issues. On the outside they looked like they were with the program, but inwardly they lacked a true connection to Him. If they were properly connected they would feel what he felt. If they were properly connected, what was important to him would have been important to them. If they were properly connected they would be going in the same direction, not pulling away from you. Based on that account, I believe this sums it up. An emotionally unavailable person is only partially invested in your relationship. They’re only there to get what they can get out of you, and everything done is on their own terms with little to no regard for your feelings. This type of person is all about looking the part, but not actually interested in being a constant in your life. Jesus wasn’t tolerating this type of treatment from those who were supposed to be on His team and you shouldn’t be either.

Next, you need to know what to look for in an emotionally unavailable person. I don’t have 16 signs as stated in the picture, but I do have about three that I think are tell tale. Like to hear them? Here they go.

Your love interest may be emotionally unavailable if…

  1. They tell you they already have a “friend”, which in translation means “I’m in a relationship that’s complicated.” Don’t complicate things any further by leaving yourself open as an option, especially if this is a friend that for some reason you can’t meet. Pay attention to the red flag that is a’waving.
  2. They never take you out on dates. I said NEVER. The only time you see them is if you visit them at their house or they visit yours. What do you mean we’re not going out? It’s my birthday. You will do better to take yourself out, Hun.
  3. They tell you a lot of wonderful things, but they never back it up with actions. They feel like as long as they talk a good game, no commitment is necessary. Well, maybe the relationship isn’t either.

Lastly, here’s how you can protect yourself from emotionally unavailable people should you ever meet them.

GUARD YOUR HEART!!! 

Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life. Proverbs 4:23

  1. Guard your heart by treading very lightly in the initial friendship stage. By any means necessary, don’t go in counting on having a serious relationship with this person in the future. I know this can be difficult, especially if this person seems to be all that you’ve prayed for. I get it. You feel that you are at the age and stage in life where you are ready to share your heart with that special someone, but WATCH AND WAIT. It’s for your good. We can waste so much time and have our emotions spinning out of control when we fantasize about a future with a currently aloof individual. It’s best to keep those expectations low. I’m not saying you should totally count them out as far as associates go, but if you can’t maintain neutral feelings for them as an associate, let it go. If it’s meant to be it will be without you having to force it.
  2. Since he or she is unavailable you should be also. Let the phone go to voicemail every now and then when they call. Turn down a visit occasionally even if you don’t have any plans. The last thing you want to do is make yourself available to someone who is not going to do the same for you. Don’t give too much of yourself, your time, or your innermost thoughts and feelings to them. Always keep it pretty light. Sharing too much with the wrong person can leave you very vulnerable and hurt in the end.
  3. And most importantly, set your affections on things above (of and relating to the Father) and not on things on the earth (an unavailable person). As the scripture says, if your affections are directed at someone or something, your decisions will follow suit.  So decide to keep your heart in the care of The One who is always available to you in every way–Jesus Christ. You can open yourself up to Him without fear, give Him your heart without reservation, and His love will protect you for eternity.

Now let’s talk. What are other ways to tell if someone is emotionally unavailable? What are other ways to protect ourselves from it?

Name It and Aim It

A few weeks agName Tag (1)o I had the opportunity to be a guest blogger on www.2aiming3arrows.com, a website devoted to raising children (arrows) according to God’s plan. I wrote about my experience as a new mother aiming my infant arrow towards God. If you haven’t read it, check out Confessions of an Amateur Archer on that site. Anyhoo, I thought I’d share another strategy I’ve employed as a new mother to help guide my son’s spiritual journey in a Kingdom direction.

I began with his name. Gabriel King Whitaker. Years ago in planning for my future son I liked the name Braxton. I really wanted a distinguished name for him–something that would be impressive on a job application and sound like it came from a long line of wealthy people. But I also wanted his name to have a significant meaning. When I discovered that my first name means strong and virtuous, I could see how those words lined up with my life. This is no boast about me, y’all. This is a boast that God’s Word is true. Romans 4:18 C says,

…according to that which was spoken, so shall thy seed be.

This scripture refers to the faith Abraham exercised to receive God’s promise that he would be the father of many nations. God spoke those words over Abraham’s offspring, Abraham believed it, and Abraham received it. I am bold enough to also believe that the words I have spoken and will continue to speak over my son’s life will be in his life. My belief is based on the spiritual principal (found in Proverbs 18:21) that my words have creative power. I am convinced that even a person’s name is a declaration about what will be in his or her life. Each time their name is called, their destiny is being spoken over them. Now no offence to any Braxton’s out there, but when I looked up its meaning I wasn’t impressed. “The son of Brax” said nothing about the kind of person my son would become, so I ditched that idea. Truthfully, naming him after my husband Russell wasn’t an option either because “red” wasn’t gonna cut it. 🙂

The name Gabriel was actually inspired by a friend of mine at my bridal shower. Everyone participated in a game about predicting my future as Mrs. Whitaker. My first child’s name was one of the questions. She predicted that my daughter would be named Gabrielle Joy. As soon as I heard it I fell in love. I knew that Gabrielle was the feminine version of Gabriel and that Gabriel was the angel who delivered the news of Jesus’s birth to Mary. Besides that, it just sounded good coming out of my mouth. In doing further research I discovered that the Hebrew meaning is “God is my strength.” That settled it for me. Although my first born was a boy, I still wanted to use that name. Not only would my son be God’s messenger, but he would do it in the strength of God. That is what I wanted spoken over his life each time anyone addressed him.

Now about that middle name. King was my husband’s step father’s last name. He is the man who raised him, and we wanted to pay homage to him. I was totally against using his first name, which was Sonny, so the last name had to do. I’ll admit I had a few reservations about naming my son King. 1. I didn’t want others to think that we were arrogant to choose that name. 2. I also didn’t want Gabe to become arrogant and think he was somehow more privileged because of it. Despite my reservations, my husband was sold on King. No matter what other middle names I suggested, he wasn’t budging. But to God be the glory! I found comfort and confirmation in the Word. Here’s what I found in Revelation 5:10.

And hast made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth.

All of my apprehension vanished when I read this. The Bible declares that Jesus Christ, the most humble person to walk this earth, made us kings unto God, so it can’t be arrogant to make this claim. Also when I think about a king I think about a person who is chosen to lead like King David was. I want my son to know that he is called King, not because he rules over everybody (no, he will NOT run things in our house) but because he is a godly leader in doing what is right. And yes, I want him to reign in life, dominating every challenge and pitfall Satan tries to put in his path. As soon as he is old enough to understand, his father and I will teach Him these things. We will teach him that he is to use his leadership to set the right example and to draw people to Christ. We will teach him that he, as a child of God, is supposed to be the head and not the tail, above and never below in every situation. We will teach him to be a king not only in name, but in character. In that way, we are being intentional in establishing a foundation for him to be used by God and forming his future each time we utter his name. In other words, we are naming and aiming our baby arrow towards God.

Now I’d like to hear from you. Have you seen the fruit of your name’s meaning manifested in your life or the life of someone you know? Have you chosen your child’s name based on it’s meaning?