Discover Your Sweetie’s Personality Style

high d
My husband and I get along great. We rarely argue and we laugh a lot together, but there are times when I just don’t get him. Truth be told, there are times when he does things that drive me absolutely nuts, and I oftentimes return the favor. For example, I don’t get why he jokes around so much when I’m being serious, and he doesn’t get why I ask him the same questions over and over again until I get a satisfactory answer. Talk about things that make you go hmmm… Well now I have an idea why, and it involves our differing personalities.

Recently I had a very eye opening experience at a professional conference that gave me a better understanding on not only my husband, but also on some other very important people in my life (ie. mother and best friend.) I learned what makes them tick. You might be saying that this is something I should already know, having been around them for years, but sometimes the tendencies of others near and dear to us have a way of remaining a mystery after years of time spent together and eluding even the most perceptive of people. The light bulb clicked on for me when I learned the four personality styles according to the DISC profile–a personal assessment tool used to improve work productivity, teamwork, and communication. And since February is the time set aside to celebrate love and relationships, I thought I’d share them in these next series of posts to help you better relate with your mate or anybody else with whom you just can’t seem to communicate.

The first personality style is the High D personality, which I will refer to as simply the High D. This person is dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, and a doer. The High D tends to be high in energy, busy and productive, strong-willed and persistent. Basically, these people take charge, and if they don’t get what they want they get mad. Their blind spot, or personality flaw is that they can be quite bossy (as if you couldn’t tell). Know anybody like this? I sure do, and since I am the total opposite of this, I found myself wondering why the High D in my life was this way. You may be wondering this also, but here are a few strategies to help you deal with the High D in your life.

1. Remain cool and calm and avoid power struggles. This may be difficult to do (especially if you’re a High D yourself), but trust me, going at it tit for tat will not work out in your favor with this one. It would be to your advantage to try an alternate route to get your point across like agreeing to disagree or restating your point to sound less confrontational.

2. Be consistent and fair. The key word is consistency. If you’re not consistent with them or fail to keep your word, prepare to be dismissed. Now that I think about it, I’ve heard my High D person complain about the inconsistent folk in her life on several occasions. I guess because they’re so consistent themselves, it’s kind of difficult to deal with those who aren’t.

3. Be direct and to the point. Don’t go beating around the bush with them. They won’t waste time beating around the bush with you. If you have something to say, say it. They are too dominant to be intimidated by your opinion. They might actually appreciate your use of backbone.

4. Remember that their secret fuel is getting results. Score! If you can keep this in mind, it will make your life and relationship much easier. All the High D wants to know is that results are being achieved and progress is being made. Do that and they’re happy. Don’t do that and they’re pissed, to put it nicely. 😉

Now I don’t want anyone thinking that I am dissing the High D’s out there. I actually admire some of these character traits and wish I had more of them myself like the ability to be more direct and decisive. (If you’ve ever gone to a restaurant with me you’d know why). It’s also very cool that High D’s make great leaders who lead from the front. Having said that, here’s a word of caution for men who are married to High D women: you are still the man of the house who is responsible for leading the family. Deep down inside, your woman wants you to take charge. Again, it is very important to her that she see the results of your leadership. If she doesn’t see any results, she very well may try to take over. I’m not saying that she should take over, I’m just saying that her personality may cause her to try to in the absence of a stronger leader. If you’re a High D woman married to a non-High D man, realize that your man may resent your bossiness and make the necessary adjustments to get the love you want and still show love and respect to him in return.

If your personality type is High D, feel free to let me know if I’ve nailed it or not. I welcome your feedback. Tomorrow I will share the High I personality with you, so stay tuned.

For Those Who’ve Considered Publishing But Don’t Know Where to Start

sharpen skillsWriting well is a learned skill and so is publishing well. Any one with a word processor and a high school diploma can write a book. And if one’s goal is merely to get a story down on paper or to simply say “I wrote a book” that’s fine. But if you really desire to make a mark in the writing and publishing industry one cannot stop there. Much more work needs to be involved.

Recently I was privileged to be a part of my county’s local author fair along with several other local authors. There were lots of people who came by to support the authors they knew personally or heard about, but there were also quite a few people there who came to pick our brains about our process in becoming authors, which is what any person seriously interested in writing and publishing should do. After having a few days to ponder and reflect on my experience in the years and months leading up to my official “coming out” as the author of an actual book, I’ve narrowed down my advice to five basic writing manners that matter. Enjoy and feel free to add more to the list.

1. Endeavor to perfect your craft. I’ve been writing ever since I can remember. My 4th grade teacher praised my writing abilities and told my mother to buy me a journal and encourage me to use it. I’ve also been a print journalist in the U.S. Army Reserves, writing articles about military life. I’ve worked as a middle school ELA teacher, modeling for students how to effectively express themselves through words. I’ve been a part of several writing workshops and have taken writing classes. I’ve written for my church newsletter. In 2011 I started an online blog at the suggestion of a friend. Needless to say, I’ve had numerous writing opportunities in my life, and they have all helped to make me a better writer. I truly believe that in order to become a better writer one must write, and write, and write some more. Writing practice helps you to refine and define your unique voice. So, take a writing class, start a blog, or buy a nice journal and write until you’ve got something worth sharing with the world.

2. Make the best presentation you possible can. We women and many men too will spend hundreds of dollars without even blinking an eye to make a good impression with their outer appearance. By the time we get our hair, nails, and makeup done and bought the perfect outfit and shoes, the bank is most likely broken. But if it is the right occasion, we don’t mind much. Well, publishing a book is a pretty special occasion. Actually, it’s an uber special occasion, and the time to go all out with to present your best product to the world. After all, your writing is a reflection of you, so don’t skimp on quality. Plus, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. This can determine if anyone will want to read anything else you publish in the future. Here’s where I think the most time should be spent after the piece has been written: revision and editing by a professional. It can be a little intimidating to have someone take a fine toothed comb to your writing, but don’t be afraid of the feedback. I would rather have someone pinch my feelings a little before the book comes out than to be slapped in the face by a bad review post printing. It is so worth the time and the money to have this step completed.

3. For goodness sake, READ. Just as writing more helps to improve writing, reading more does wonders. Reading what other good writers have written gives us access to lovely language, wonderful word usage, fancy phrasing, extraOrdinary organization ideas, and stylistic sentence structure (you get my point.) This is habit that I admit I need to increase. Contrary to what some may believe, reading more is not a waste of time. It is an absolute necessity for continued growth as a writer. So find something that you are interested in reading and read. As you read, pay attention to more than just how the writing makes you feel. Notice how the writer is creating this affect. It may help to put yourself in the writer’s shoes to really think about what strategies he or she is using. This can be a very complex skill, so taking a class or two in in close reading can also be beneficial.

4. Look for writing ideas everywhere. Now that I’ve published my first book I want to keep my writing momentum going so I’ve been writing more often than before. It is easy to run out of good things to write about when you write so often, which is why it is important to keep your eyes open (and read). I actually have “find a new writing topic” in my brain whenever I do anything now. So that means I’m constantly writing in my head and when something clicks I grab my phone to add the idea to my notes before I forget it. I may not end up using all of it, but at least I develop a bank of topics to pull from in the future. Eventually all of those scattered ideas may develop into a connecting of the dots experience. Before you know it, you’ve got enough material for a book.

5. Invest in your success. As the saying goes, to make money you have to spend money. I’m not suggesting that anyone spend an insane amount of money on publishing a book, but I am saying that a serious writer should be willing to make an investment that would yield a quality product. When I say quality product I’m referring to the look and feel of your book–in other words the very first thing that people see–the cover. If your cover is boring no one other than your close family, friends, and people who know of you and think it’s kind of cool to know a real author will want to read it. It’s cover appeal. I am convinced that though there are those who have lots of valuable content inside the book, some won’t get to engage with or benefit from that content if they are turned off by the cover. I’m not expert, but my suggestion would be to add an experienced graphic designer to your team. You’d be surprised at the quality you can get for not much more money than you’d pay doing it on your own or with the neighbor down the street who owns a digital camera. It’s okay to go cheaper on supplementary materials like book marks and other what nots, but not on your main product. Again, you want to showcase the best presentation of yourself and your work. You’ve worked too long and hard not to.

 

See Flaws as Opportunities Not Cop Outs

quoteIf someone you cared about told you that they loved you just the way you are-the good, the bad, and the ugly, your ups, downs and all arounds–EVERYTHING hands down, they’d probably be lying. No really, unconditional love is a supernatural trait that many people, Christians included, fall short of developing in some cases. Moreover, would you try to change anything or improve if they did tell you that? Probably not. Why fix what isn’t broken, right? Well, the match that sparked this flame of thought was Kierra Sheard’s new song Flaws.

I have mixed feelings about it. The lyrics suggest that God loves our imperfections and that the things we consider flaws are not flaws at all in God’s eyes. To Him, they make us beautiful. Now before you quit reading this and think that I’m missing the point, keep reading. I do agree that God made no mistakes when He made us because we’re made in His image, and I get that God has given us the gift of grace, which is unmerited favor that we did not and could not ever earn no matter how hard we tried. Period. His love for us is condition free and forever sealed by the blood of Jesus Christ. I would argue though that it’s not our flaws that He loves but it’s us that He loves in spite of our flaws.

Let’s apply this to natural relationships. I love my husband, Lord knows I do, but I do not love all of his ways, his habits, or the way he chooses to do some things. In the same token he doesn’t love all of mine either. But because neither one of us is our own anymore (we belong to each other through the covenant of marriage) we owe it to each other to work on the things that can possibly hinder our relationship. I’m not talking about the little things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things like forgetting to take the trash out on trash day, but those “big dogs” that can really tear up your marriage if not nipped in the bud (ie. bad spending habits, poor housekeeping skills, unfaithfulness-physically and/or emotionally, etc.) It is selfish to think that our spouses should accept us just as we are, flaws and all, and to make no effort to become a better, not flawless spouse.

Flaws come in two forms in my opinion: the ones that deal with our physical state and those that deal with the state of our character. When it comes to the darkened acne marks polka dotting my cheeks or my tendency to consume more chocolaty treats than fruits and veggies, God is good with that. BUT when it comes to what goes on inwardly at times, the things that no one but Him can see or the secret sins that are done when no one is looking, but creep out in the things we say and do, it’s not all good with Him. Those things affect more than just us. They affect those around us who look to our example. Walking around with a chip on my shoulder and offending everybody I meet, then passing it off as “just my personality” is not okay with Him nor is any sin in which we engage. As loving as God is, He is not okay with sin. It’s the spirit of the world that has perpetuated the idea that anything goes. But quite frankly, it does not. Thinking that it does can lead to a failure to see that anything is wrong and that change is necessary. Am I suggesting that change is something done independent of our loving Heavenly Father. Absolutely not. He (His Word) is our change agent. Without it, change would be impossible for the believer. I believe He has given us the grace to change–to grow more into the image of Him, not the grace to remain in the same sinful state that He delivered us from simply because by matter of free will and His unconditional love for us we can.

“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?” Romans 6:1

What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. Romans 6:15

It is foolish to use grace as an opportunity to sin. It is an abuse of the free gift. “Taking advantage” of His grace is a far cry from taking advantage of His grace. Let me explain. Taking advantage of His grace is like misusing a privilege. It’s the employee who leaves work early because they know the boss is not there. It’s the man who makes an unwanted sexual advance on a woman because she flirts with him and gives him the time of day. It’s the woman who shops incessantly because she has possession of the family credit card and all the balance statements too. On the other hand, “taking advantage” of His grace is accepting the free gift for its true purpose as God intended. It’s realizing you’re unrighteous and receiving the righteousness that Christ’s sacrifice provides. It’s realizing you’re unworthy and undeserving but receiving without apology the blessings that God’s goodness makes available. It’s realizing your imperfections yet allowing the transformative power of God to have its way in your life. Yes, we are flawed human beings and God loves us, but don’t allow flaws to be an excuse for mediocrity. Rather, let it be motivation for us to seek change and spiritual growth to ultimately glorify our Heavenly Father.

I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.