Archive for Pregnancy

Heaven Sent Me an Angel

Posted on January 6, 2016 by
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Gabriel and I after delivery.

“Are you ready to hear your baby cry?” asked the doctor from behind the hospital curtain that separated me from her, the surgical team, and my newborn baby–a routine procedure during a cesarean birth.

The previous feelings of fear of the unknown: the pain of contractions, spinal anesthesia, and being fully conscious during the surgery were replaced with new feelings of anticipation at the thought of hearing my son’s voice for the first time. And then I heard it, the sweet, long-awaited cry. It was actually more of a wail, but it was still the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

I was already in tears from the first brief glimpse of his little french vanilla colored body as she lifted him over the blue barrier, so his cries made my tears flow even more.  That’s my baby, is all I could think and murmur to myself while my husband and the neonatal nurse cleaned him up and prepared him for skin-to-skin contact with his mama.

As soon as my husband brought him over to me, more tears poured.

“Say something to him,” he encouraged me.

“I can’t,” I said through my sobs. The intense emotion was so overwhelming, and I had never felt that way before.

Then our cheeks met. I managed to speak to him for the first time face-to-face. “Hey, Gabriel. This is your mommy, and I love you,” I said. I longed to hold him, but I was still on the operating table getting stitched up. I finally knew the meaning and the feeling of love at first sight.

And eight weeks later in spite of all the late night feedings (I’m an eight hours of sleep kind of gal), the loud crying (not used to being around babies as an only child), and the pull on my time, attention, and finances (again I’m an only child used to taking care of only me), I am still and even more so in love with him, my angel.

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Gabe at one month old.

He’s not just an angel because his name is Gabriel though. He’s an angel because of how God is using him to enhance my life spiritually. Like the heavenly angels, Gabriel has given me renewed hope in the presence and promises of God. For three years my husband and I tried to conceive a child with both of us having physical challenges that could hinder conception. For three years we prayed, confessed, and praised God for a child that we did not see manifested. For three years we made preparation for him–painting his nursery, buying baby items like diapers and rattles all in an effort to add works to our faith. Of course there were occasional bouts with doubt, but God. My son is living proof and a constant reminder that God is real; that he hears my prayers; that he cares enough to answer them; and that he is not a man that He should lie neither the son of man that He should repent. If he said it, he will do it. If he spoke it, He will bring it to pass (Numbers 23:19).

God is also using him to build my trust in Him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.” Being a parent comes with its own set of challenges, challenges that are totally new to me–supporting a child financially, raising him according to God’s standards amid such worldly perversions and ungodly influences, balancing his needs with my own and not to mention the needs of my spouse, my job and my ministry. I’ll admit it has been a challenge trying to figure out how to manage it all. That’s why trust in God is necessary. I need His divine grace and help to do it well. This is not to say that I never had to trust God before my son was born, but this has been an opportunity to trust Him more and on a completely different level as provider, way maker, and companion.

Gabriel has also been used by God to grow my commitment and service to God. It is easy to get complacent and use my son as an excuse to neglect my obligations to God (it’s too cold to bring Him out to church or I’m too tired from being up with him all night to go to church), as many people do when they have received their hearts desire from Him. But that is no time to get slack and stop serving God. I am faced with the reality that there is more that God is requiring of me besides being a wife and mother, and on top of that I have the awesome responsibility to model a heart to please God in front of my son in the decisions I make. God never intended for His promises to take our hearts away from Him. They are supposed to draw us closer to Him through humble thankfulness toward Him for those manifested promises. I thank God that my angel, Gabriel is doing just that for me.

 

3 comments Posted in Family, Pregnancy

The Last Mani-Pedi

Posted on October 31, 2015 by

Today I went to tnailshe mall and had a mani-pedi. No big deal, right? It was only supposed to ensure that my feet would look decent when I went to the hospital to deliver my baby and as a way to relax before the big day, but it turned into something more–something more symbolic and meaningful to me. I realized that this would be the last mani-pedi I would have as a child-free woman. In essence, this would be the last time I would do something pleasurable just for me without having to consider the needs of a child. Instead of it being just another mani-pedi, it was a brief moment for me to relish in my non-mommy status before the very certain and soon arrival of my son, Gabriel.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am super excited to enter this new phase in my life, and I definitely count it an honor to be a mother because it is a blessing, but there’s no mistaking that my life will never ever be the same in Jesus name. Getting married at the age of 30 was the first transition into a less selfish me, where I would have another person’s needs to consider, and now at the age of 34 any remaining bits of selfishness will have to take a back seat to meeting my son’s every need and being totally responsible for his well-being. That’s not to be taken lightly. It comes with the territory–territory that I’ve been desiring to enter for the past three years. So I’m okay with that. Actually, I’m thrilled with it. That moment also reminded me how important it is to appreciate and find contentment in every phase of life, even as the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

So will there be more mani-pedis in my future? Absolutely! But for at least the next 18 years, it won’t be before I make sure that my child has what he needs first.

 

I’d love to hear how any soon-to-be, first-time mothers are spending your final days of freedom or how any other mothers enjoyed yourselves before your babies arrived. Feel free to share.

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The Fetus Comes Out at Night

Posted on July 24, 2015 by

Pregnancy has given the populKEEP CALM MY SON LIKES TO PAR-TAY (2)ar 1980’s Whodini song “The Freaks Come Out at Night” a whole new meaning for me. At 24 weeks pregnant, it is obvious that my son, Gabriel, is a mover and a shaker and a mommy waker.

When I first began to feel him kick, it was phenomenal. Most online information predicts that a woman who is having her first child will begin to feel movement in the form of flutters around 17 to 20 weeks. Well, I was only 15 weeks pregnant at the time and my son’s movements felt more like tiny thumps against my belly. It was a feeling that I could never have imagined.  Now, I can imagine him being the next karate kid or Muhammad Ali because those tiny thumps have turned into jostling jabs and startling kicks against the punching bag of my abdomen. The funny thing is, he seems to wait until the wee hours of the morning when all is quiet and still in “outer womb land” to get all this action going. He still moves periodically throughout the day, but nothing like when the lights go out. Maybe it’s because there’s no other outside stimulation going on to entertain him, so he entertains himself.

Here’s how I know he prefers the dark to light. I was sleeping ever so soundly one night (well as soundly as an achy pregnant woman can), when I was awakened by Gabriel’s aerobic activities. I felt whole body rolls and back-to-back kick and punch combos going on. I put my hand on my stomach in an effort to get him to settle down. But I decided I also wanted to see with my eyes what all this movement looked like from the outside, so I turned on the light. And what do you know?! The little rascal’s kicks stopped almost instantaneously. He still moved around slowly, but there was definitely a noticeable change in his behavior. Maybe the light startled him or maybe he paused to sense what I’m about to do, I thought. Perhaps it was a combination of both because as soon as I turned the light off and laid back down, his rigorous kicking continued.    

Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to have an active, healthy baby growing inside me, but sometimes I say to him, “Take it easy on mommy’s tummy, Gabe!” Maybe he is taking it easy on me when he wiggles at night since I’m not as aware of it’s intensity as I would be if I were wide awake. Or maybe he just feels like the night time is the right time to kick the one you love. 🙂

 

2 comments Posted in Pregnancy
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