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Girl, Take Your Power Back!

Posted on February 9, 2012 by

     The other morning while on car duty at work, I had a very interesting conversation with a sixth grade girl.  Usually when dropped off at school this young girl would say good morning and walk right on by me with her book bag rolling behind her.  But this morning was different.  She decided she would stay outside with me while waiting on a particular friend of hers to arrive.  This friend was a sixth grade boy who she said she likes and has liked for years.  She was waiting on him so they could walk in and sit together before school began. 

     I was intrigued by her loyalty to this male “friend,” so I probed a little.  “Does he know you like him?” I asked.

     “Yeah, he knows,” she said proudly.  “The whole school knows by now.”

     “So how does he treat you since he knows?’  “Does he still hang out with you?”

     “Oh he still talks to me, but he has a girlfriend,” she said as an after thought.

     At that point I wanted to tell her, “Gal, get your behind in that building, and leave that boy alone!” but I contained myself and inquired a bit more.

     “So how does it make you feel knowing that he has a girlfriend?” I asked.

     “Umm, it’s okay,” she said shrugging her shoulders.  “I’m just waiting for them to break up.”

     With that, I realized that even from a young age many girls develop unhealthy views of relationships.  Why would she think that it’s okay to throw yourself in the path of someone who doesn’t have her to think about?  Can’t she see how foolish that appears?  Obviously not because she waited and waited for her long-time crush to arrive.

Sadly, she is not the only one.  I think we have all been there a time or two, but praise be to God I received a revelation that set me free.  Ladies, calmly think about this.

     Your happiness has much to do with the decisions you make regarding your relationships.  Make the choice that you will not settle for less than you deserve, which is God’s best.  I do not believe that God’s best involves you playing second fiddle to another woman or being in some man’s back pocket at his disposal.  That’s the devil!  You are worth so much more than that.  If you are the virtuous woman that the Bible speaks of, then your price is far above rubies.  Now what fool is going to carry around a jewel that precious along with his pocket lint?  Just like his jeans, he taking you through the ringer.  It may sound funny, but I’m being real.  

     Don’t let your desire for a man rule over you and control you.  Have the desire because it’s natural, but don’t let it have  you.  Being in that state of mind is sin.  I had to come to this realization as a single woman too.  My deliverance came from the Word of God.  In James 1:14-15 says “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.  Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”  Now a lust is simply a desire gone haywire.  So quite naturally and according to divine providence we all have the desire for loving companionship.  It goes with the territory.  But God never intended for the desire to turn to lust–a lust that will make you do just about anything to fulfill itself.  Once that lust has taken root in us, it causes us to sin.  I’m not just speaking of sexual sin, even though that definitely applies.  I’m also speaking of manipulation, lies, deception, and anything else we do to get who we claim is our man.  The Bible clearly defines sin as anything that is not of faith, so if you find yourself calculating the man’s every move and figuring out ways to throw yourself in his path, then you are definitely not trusting in the true and living God.  You are trusting in your own selfish devices.  Now you tell me, if by chance you do catch the man, how can a relationship birthed in sin live and thrive? 

     The great news is what the next two verses in James have to say…”Do not err, my beloved brethren.  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”  In other words, do not mistake God.  He has the good and perfect gift that you need.  He’s not like that man who can’t make up his mind about you–fickle and indecisive.  He is constant, steady, and unchanging. 

Take your power and your dignity back, let the Lord have His way and give Him the reigns of your heart. 

I’m not judgin’.  I’m just sayin’.

Let me know what your thoughts are on this subject.

3 comments Posted in Dating, Moving Forward

Be What You Desire

Posted on December 29, 2011 by
English: Look deeper in to your friends person...

Image via Wikipedia

While riding in my car recently, I heard a very interesting question posed on the radio.

“Are there any good men left?” the radio announcer asked, repeating a caller’s inquiry.  The broadcasters all commented that this is the age-old question that should have been answered years ago, but has found its way back into conversation.  Well, I’d hate to answer a question with a question, but I feel it is necessary.

To answer the caller’s question one must consider this one…Are you a good woman?

Now one might argue that we should be defining what “good” really is, but I beg to differ since that term can mean so many different things to different people.  Does good mean that he has a good job with good pay and benefits and doesn’t mind sharing it with you?  Does good mean he’s good-looking and has a wonderful personality to match?  Does good mean he holds religious convictions and actually follows them in his daily life?  Or does good mean a combination of them all?  It’s too subjective to say the least.  What’s important to me may not be important to millions of other women out there.  So to spend time discussing whether or not good men exist is a waste of time if you ask me.  It would be more objective and meaningful to take a self-reflective approach and apply your own definition of good to yourself.

Do I have a good job with good pay and benefits and don’t mind sharing?  Yes.  Am I good-looking with a wonderful personality to match?  Yes.  Do I hold religious convictions and actually follow them in my daily life?  Yes.  Am I a good woman? Absolutely!  To question whether or not there are any good men or women left in the world is to question your own goodness or worth.  I believe that you attract what you are, so do not be what you do not want.  Once I heard a woman say that before she lost 50 pounds she thought people stayed away from her because she was fat.  After she lost the weight a friend told her that when she was fat no one could stand her attitude.  The revelation is, it’s not your physical state that repels people in most cases, it’s what emanates from the inside and how you make people feel when they are around you.  Do you want a man who’s confident?  Then boost your own confidence.  Do you want a man who has goals and the tenacity to accomplish them?  Then be a go getter yourself.  Do you want a man who trusts you?  Then learn to trust others.  Do you want a man with high moral standards?  Then raise yours.

Before anyone thinks that I have discovered some hidden truth, let me say that the truth has already been written–the Word of God.  So let every word be established by two or three witnesses.  In Luke 6:37-38 it says “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye meet withal it shall be measured to you again.  That sounds to me like drawing what you are and receiving what you dish out.  My second witness comes from Proverbs 18:24 part a which says, “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.”  That, again, sounds like being the type of person you want to attract.  In essence, to draw a good man be a good woman.  To attract a better man, be a better woman.

So my friends, remember that it’s easy to impose all these stipulations onto another person, but are you willing to be what you are desiring your mate to be?  If you are already the things you desire in your mate, then you just rest assured that not only is he coming your way, but he’ll be coming correct.  If you’re not quite in the state you desire yet, that’s okay too.  You have a wonderful opportunity called singleness to make the necessary adjustments.  With God, all things are possible!

I’m not judging.  I’m just sayin’.

Written by Briana Whitaker

2 comments Posted in Dating

Kardashian Kraziness

Posted on December 28, 2011 by
Keeping Up with the Kardashians

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On Christmas Eve I  spent a relaxing evening at home with my husband watching episode after episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”  I am not a fan of the infamous family, but I really wanted to find out what led to the demise of Kim and Kris’ marriage.   I found out about their split while standing in the checkout line of BI-LO one day, and the topic intrigued me.    Just a few weeks earlier I read about their lavish wedding in another magazine.  And now this?  Was it really a hoax?  What could have possibly happened to them?  Surely Kim is not in need of his money; him being new to the basketball league and her being on the cover of countless magazines.  Surely she is not desperate for a man; her having been on the arm of countless men.  As I sat through the marathon of shows, I was determined to find out the missing pieces.

The discovery didn’t take long.  On one episode the two argued about whether or not he would live with her and her sister’s boyfriend and child in New York or live in his hometown of Minnesota where he could focus on his career without distractions.  Quite naturally, after telling Kris that she didn’t mind living thousands of miles apart, she changed her mind.  Suddenly it seemed weird to her that a newly wed couple live in separate states.  Duh!  Any idiot could have told her that.  On another episode the topic of having children came up.  The very words “I’m thinking about getting off birth control because I want to have a baby,” made Kris’ eyes bug and his neck snap back in surprise as if the concept of reproducing was foreign to him.  Seriously, dude?  Did you not think this would come up, eventually?

I now knew the problem.  The quirky couple failed to do D on my WAIT ON GOD list–devote time to deep conversation; probably because they were too busy failing to do A on the list–abstaining from fleshly lusts.  Prime example of clouded judgment and shallow conversation.  All of these arguments (or heated debates) should have taken place BEFORE saying I do to avoid the international embarrassment (I almost forgot for a minute that they get paid for such tomfoolery).  I call this…Epic.Failure.

My husband joked with me saying, “When did we talk about these things…the first date?”  While it wasn’t exactly that soon into the relationship, it was definitely well before the wedding and well before the engagement.  We went in knowing where we’d live and if we were going to have children.  This pre-planning was part of our compatibility test.  A test that Kim and Kris obviously failed.  Well, hopefully the two have learned from their mistakes and won’t repeat them in the next series of relationships.  Maybe, just maybe, Kim will get a chance to read “Wait on God” before she thinks about spending billions on her next wedding.  I’m not judging.  I’m just sayin’.

By Briana Whitaker

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