Archive for Marriage

Discover Your Sweetie’s Personality Style–Part 4

Posted on February 13, 2015 by

High C

Learning about others is important, but learning about yourself is priceless. So I’ve been enlightened, to say the least, in discovering my own personality style, which is High C. I’d like to think we High C’s are pretty unique in our nature. If you know me, you might say I’m a bit quirky also, but how boring would this world be if we were all the same, right? To be classed with the likes of Bill Gates and Albert Einstein is pretty awesome. If I had Bill Gates’ fortune and Einstein’s genius I’d be good to go. I don’t know how I feel about being classed with Condi though. I’ve always seen her as kind of stuffy and a bit of a prude. I’m not like that. Am I? (I wish you could see my eyes darting back and forth as I ponder this).

Words that describe us are cautious, competent, conscientious, contemplative, careful, and calculating. We have a tendency to be curious, inventive, intellectual and rational. We like to finish what we start. We can also be perfectionists, prone to liking organization and routine, and can have difficulty making decisions. Everything on this list describes me to a tee, except the organization part. l like organization, but I am not an organized person. Is that even possible? One ride in my car will reveal that it is.

As for what motivates us, our secret fuel is quality answers, good value, and being right. Now let me explain the last one. I don’t always have to be right (but it does feel good when I am), but I like doing the right thing. It is also important to me that anything I’m involved in be right as in morally, ethically, and legally proper. By nature, I’m not a rule breaker. Nor am I perfect by a long shot, but I do try to stay safely in the parameters that are provided me by those who are in charge. Also know that if we don’t get our way, we become critical and our character flaw is analysis paralysis. Here’s what you can do to help your High C significant other.

1. Provide quality answers to our questions. Men, women in general like to talk and pick your brains about things, but this habit is amplified in a High C woman. You will have to oblige us if you want to keep the peace and avoid the rant. Case in point…my husband was upset with me once for being late for an engagement, and I didn’t even realize it. I like to do things right, but the area of punctuality needs improvement. Anyway, he didn’t want to tell me what I had done to upset him, so when I asked him what was wrong his response was “nothing.” I could tell by the way he was ignoring me that he was lying, and I was not satisfied. So, I kept asking until I got tired. We had to come up with a compromise for future disagreements that if he did not want to talk at the moment, he had to promise that we’d talk later. That, I could live with.

2. Encourage us to see the big picture. High C’s get stuck in the details, asking tons of questions about the process before beginning anything. Hence, analysis paralysis. I went through a brief period before I finished writing my book that I contemplated all the details: who would publish, how would I pay for it, when would it be done, what if people don’t like it? Yada yada yada. Someone encouraged me to push past the fear and step out on faith. I did, and everything just fell into place. I’m so thankful for those who help me move forward, and your High C will be too.

3. Provide gentle correction. Gentle correction is all we need to get us back on track. It’s probably because we like to do things right anyway. When I was little my mom never had to do much scolding. I can count on one hand how many spankings I got as a child. A hard look or a good talking to always did the trick. So, no need for harsh words or criticism. The High C in your life will appreciate the gentle correction and take it as love.

4. Value our attention to detail and tasks. Details are important because they are the building blocks of everything. Us high C’s want everything we’re involved in to go off without a hitch, so we spend time attending to the construction of those blocks. If you’ve ever attended a well organized event that flowed, you’d better believe there was a High C on the planning committee. The level of quality that comes from careful planning and a desire for excellence should be appreciated, not regarded as anal. Tell him or her how much you appreciate it.

5. Encourage empathy. Excessive attention to details can, in some cases, cause one to be insensitive to the needs of others. High C’s sometimes need to be reminded about people when we get stuck in our focus bubbles. My husband gives me a sensitivity check just when I need it. He knows me so well.

6. Recognize our need for routine and guidelines. High C’s need order in our lives. When order is missing, it just does something to us. We like to know where we’re going and how to get there. Again, it’s all about those details. As for date suggestions, let your High C be a part of the planning. Don’t keep her completely in the dark about the plans. If she’s like me, she won’t be able to handle a complete surprise. For example allow her to give you three suggestions of things she’d like to do. Then you choose one of the three ideas. You already know she’ll be happy because it was her idea and because she feels some level of control and order.

Now, it’s important to note that not everyone is limited to one personality style. We are all blends of personalities. I can see myself fitting in with different aspects of the other personality styles also, but make no mistake I am a High C and proud of it! If you are a High C right along with me, feel free to let me know if I nailed it or NOT. I’d also like to know if this information has helped to enlighten or inspire you in your relationships. I welcome your comments.

 

2 comments Posted in Dating, Marriage, Relationship with Others, Uncategorized

Discover Your Sweetie’s Personality Style–Part 3

Posted on February 12, 2015 by

High S

My mom and I have a very unique relationship. I am her only child, and she has never been married. You can probably imagine the tight bond that the two of us share, and this is where the conflict comes in for us at times. I am and will always be her baby. At the age of 34, being your mama’s baby and pretty much the closest person in her life is a blessing and a challenge at the same time. Sometimes, it’s just hard for her to let go, and I never fully understood that until I learned more about her personality.

What’s ironic is we look just alike, but as far as personalities go, I must have taken that after my dad. My mom is the type of person who is so sweet, but is easily offended. She is friendly and personable, but lacks assertiveness in certain areas. She likes to be appreciated for her work and efforts, but doesn’t like a big fuss about it. People like her fall into the High S personality type. High S’s tend to be creative and imaginative, happiest with family and friends, and sensitive and compassionate. If things don’t go their way the result is hurt feelings. I don’t want to give away the contents of my next post, which holds details of my personality, but I can tell you that while we’re both pretty reserved individuals, we handle things and approach issues totally different and we have different needs.

The secret fuel for the High S is peace and harmony. They like to exist with minimal conflict, which means they don’t like to stir up confusion. Now if they’re involved in someone else’s confusion, they will be affected by it. They’re not very confrontational, so generally only those closest to them will know about it. The down side of their non-confrontational nature is the tendency to be considered a sucker, meaning they can easily be taken advantage of because they’re so nice and shy. Here are some strategies for those of us in relationships with High S’s to both help ourselves and them.

1. Show concern for their feelings and empathize with their problems. All High S’s really need is a listening ear and someone to justify their feelings. Talking about the issues of the day to those closest to them can be therapeutic since they tend to internalize so much. Those of us who fall into that category should be more sensitive to this need by taking the time to actually listen, ask them how their day went, try to refrain from dismissing their feelings (even when you do think they’re overreacting), and try not to offer solutions. A little empathy will go a long way in making the High S feel loved and supported.

2. Help them develop decision making, goal setting, and assertiveness skills. This is so important because if you don’t help them with this, they will really depend on you to help them with a lot of things that you might think should come naturally, like asking questions and talking to people. I’ve had to encourage my mom to do this as a way to advocate for herself. Here’s a word of caution with this though. Encourage them to be more assertive, but make sure you do it in a loving, “I’m on your side” kind of way. If you come off too harshly or sounding critical, they will shut down. The next strategy explains why.

3. Remember that criticism is taken personally, even when unintended. You could have the best, most harmless intentions when attempting to help the High S with decision making, goal setting, and assertiveness, but it may not be received as such. Adjusting your tone of voice and coming at it from a different angle may help. The term “sugar coat” is a good way to describe this technique. High S’s are more likely to be drawn with honey than with vinegar (the cold hard truth). Make no mistake about it. The truth should still be shared with them. I’m just suggesting that the truth will be better received if spoken in love and consideration of their feelings.

4. Appreciate their work and efforts. Like High I’s, High S’s like for others to acknowledge and appreciate what they do. The difference is they prefer for it to be done in private without all the hoopla that High I’s enjoy. When considering a gift for them, a nice meaningful card or other heartfelt token of appreciation that actually tells them what you appreciate about them is a good idea. For my mom, simply telling her that you enjoy her cooking puts a smile on her face. Another good idea is to relieve them of a household chore that they normally do and acknowledge that you’re giving them a break because you noticed how hard they’ve been working. It doesn’t take much, but please indulge them on this if you want to show them some love.

If you are a High S feel free to leave a comment to let me know if I’ve nailed it or NOT. I welcome your feedback. Stay tuned for the next post on the High C, which is my personality style. 🙂

 

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Discover Your Sweetie’s Personality Style-Part 2

Posted on February 11, 2015 by

High I

In recognition of Valentine’s Day and the month-long celebration of love, I am sharing my take on the four personality styles in the DISC profile to help those of us in relationships better understand our significant others. The more you know about a person, the more you grow in your love. So, let the knowing and growing continue.

Yesterday I wrote about the High D or dominant personality. Today I will explore the High I personality style. High I’s are inspiring, influencing, impressionable, interactive, and involved. These people tend to be fun loving and spontaneous, outgoing and charming. It goes without saying that these people are the life of the party and love being the center of attention. High I’s also like physical activity and excitement. As you are reading this, someone you know has probably popped into your head. We all know someone like this. They’re “people” people. They seem to know everybody and can work a crowd beautifully. This is sooo my BFF. She loves being around people and will get involved in any good cause she can find because she loves to help others. I don’t mind helping people, but she and other High I people take it to a whole other level. It is also interesting to note that High I’s tend to start well, but have difficulty finishing, are noisy, and always on the go. And if they don’t get what they want, they QUIT. Yep, once they’re done, they’re done. My BFF once again. (Sorry BFF if you’re reading this).

Now every personality style has its flaw, so let’s go there, why don’t we? The High I’s blind spot is that they can be impulsive and illogical. Ding, ding, ding! That explains the difficulty finishing, the challenge with volume control, and the constant moving and shaking. Much of these things is done without much thought or reasoning through, which is why I have such a hard time relating. I am the total opposite, as I think EVERYTHING through several times. As for being illogical, the High I can jump to conclusions a bit and throw a fit in the heat of an argument, but if you already know that going in you can anticipate it and hopefully soften the blow. Thank goodness for strategies. Learning the following strategies for the High I has helped me understand my bestie a little better, and it can help you too if you have a High I in your life.

1. Create an environment of fun and excitement. High I’s thrive on fun like a kid thrives on candy. It’s their secret fuel, and they just have to have it. If there is no fun involved, trust me, they are going to make it fun for themselves and they will take others along for the ride. The more people involved the better. Let’s apply this. If you are dating or are married to a High I you may want to keep this in mind when planning dates together. They aren’t going to go for quiet, relaxing evenings at home every weekend. You’ve got to spice it up and go heavy on the fun every once and a while. I know that involves planning and creativity on your part, but seeing your sweetie smile is worth it, right?

2. Help them develop planning and goal setting skills. It is challenging for those with impulsive tendencies to actually get beyond the here and now and plan for the distant future, but they need the reality check too. Let’s be real, fun can only last but so long. The tasks they find boring or pointless are what they have trouble finishing, but those are the things that are necessary. How can you apply this? If your High I has a great idea for a new business opportunity (they probably have a few of these), encourage him or her to sit down and make a plan for success. Help them think through the details and give them an extra push to keep going when the excitement of it all begins to wane.

3. Provide social involvement as incentives. One way to help encourage your High I to finish what they start is to offer incentives in the form of social interaction. Remember they love people, and they love you. Spending quality time together is a plus. This time should include real involvement, not just the two of you being in the same house at the same time. That does not count as social involvement. Go shopping together, cook together, take a walk, or go away for a romantic weekend (I’m talking exclusively to the married folk here)–just make sure to be there for them and be fully present while you’re at it.

4. Recognize their efforts and talents. High I’s love a pat on the back when they’ve worked hard on something. Don’t get me wrong, everyone wants to be recognized for their efforts, but High I’s are on another level with this too. So do praise and do it big for these social butterflies. But don’t worry. If you do forget to recognize them they will let you know it. I’m speaking from experience here. And this is probably a good time right here on the world wide web to go ahead and drop my best friend, Melissa Watson’s name to recognize her for being such a great friend. Thank you, Missy! I love you! You’re the best! See, I practice what I preach. 🙂

If you’re a High I, feel free to let me know if I nailed it or NOT. I welcome comments. In the next post I will discuss the High S personality, so stay tuned.

2 comments Posted in Dating, Marriage, Relationship with Others
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