Today’s post is for single men and women. I ran across someone in this situation, so I thought I’d share my two cents in case someone else needs to hear it. I pray that it empowers you to protect a very vital and influential part of you–your heart.

Have you ever had something really important to tell someone and tried calling them, but got their voicemail? Instead of the familiar voice you were hoping to hear so you could get this urgent matter off your chest you hear this, “The person you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time.” Really?!!! It drives me bananas, especially if it’s my husband. What do I do? I keep calling and calling back, hoping that he will finally pick up, and the more I call the more frustrated I get. I begin to wonder, What could he possibly be doing that he can’t hear his phone ringing? I could be having a REAL emergency for all he knows. I’m really not, but the point is I need to talk. I’m feeling annoyed right now just thinking about it.

As frustrating as that might be, being involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable is ten times worst. I’ve been a victim of that too in the past, and I know how confusing and hurtful it can be. So in an effort to try and help a brother or a sister out I thought I’d share a few thoughts about how to handle it when you’re tempted to share your precious heart with an emotionally unavailable person.

First things first. What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable? Jesus dealt with and ministered about this type of person in Matthew 15:8 when He said, “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.” He recognized that the scribes and Pharisees had heart issues. On the outside they looked like they were with the program, but inwardly they lacked a true connection to Him. If they were properly connected they would feel what he felt. If they were properly connected, what was important to him would have been important to them. If they were properly connected they would be going in the same direction, not pulling away from you. Based on that account, I believe this sums it up. An emotionally unavailable person is only partially invested in your relationship. They’re only there to get what they can get out of you, and everything done is on their own terms with little to no regard for your feelings. This type of person is all about looking the part, but not actually interested in being a constant in your life. Jesus wasn’t tolerating this type of treatment from those who were supposed to be on His team and you shouldn’t be either.

Next, you need to know what to look for in an emotionally unavailable person. I don’t have 16 signs as stated in the picture, but I do have about three that I think are tell tale. Like to hear them? Here they go.

Your love interest may be emotionally unavailable if…

1. They tell you they already have a “friend”, which in translation means “I’m in a relationship that’s complicated.” Don’t complicate things any further by leaving yourself open as an option, especially if this is a friend that for some reason you can’t meet. Pay attention to the red flag that is a’waving.
2. They never take you out on dates. I said NEVER. The only time you see them is if you visit them at their house or they visit yours. What do you mean we’re not going out? It’s my birthday. You will do better to take yourself out, Hun.
3. They tell you a lot of wonderful things, but they never back it up with actions. They feel like as long as they talk a good game, no commitment is necessary. Well, maybe the relationship isn’t either.

Lastly, here’s how you can protect yourself from emotionally unavailable people should you ever meet them.

GUARD YOUR HEART!!! 

Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life. Proverbs 4:23

1. Guard your heart by treading very lightly in the initial friendship stage. By any means necessary, don’t go in counting on having a serious relationship with this person in the future. I know this can be difficult, especially if this person seems to be all that you’ve prayed for. I get it. You feel that you are at the age and stage in life where you are ready to share your heart with that special someone, but WATCH AND WAIT. It’s for your good. We can waste so much time and have our emotions spinning out of control when we fantasize about a future with a currently aloof individual. It’s best to keep those expectations low. I’m not saying you should totally count them out as far as associates go, but if you can’t maintain neutral feelings for them as an associate, let it go. If it’s meant to be it will be without you having to force it.
2. Since he or she is unavailable you should be also. Let the phone go to voicemail every now and then when they call. Turn down a visit occasionally even if you don’t have any plans. The last thing you want to do is make yourself available to someone who is not going to do the same for you. Don’t give too much of yourself, your time, or your innermost thoughts and feelings to them. Always keep it pretty light. Sharing too much with the wrong person can leave you very vulnerable and hurt in the end.
3. And most importantly, set your affections on things above (of and relating to the Father) and not on things on the earth (an unavailable person). As the scripture says, if your affections are directed at someone or something, your decisions will follow suit.  So decide to keep your heart in the care of The One who is always available to you in every way–Jesus Christ. You can open yourself up to Him without fear, give Him your heart without reservation, and His love will protect you for eternity.

Now let’s talk. What are other ways to tell if someone is emotionally unavailable? What are other ways to protect ourselves from it?