Have you ever told a guy that you were dating that you were either committed to a life of celibacy or plan to remain a virgin until marriage and the relationship took a turn for the worst? I was recently asked how I handled sharing my virgin status as a single woman with the men I dated. I thought it was a good question to explore and that some others may benefit from this discussion.

First of all, your decision to practice celibacy or to remain a virgin until marriage is a very honorable one and one of which to be proud. But let’s face it…not everyone you meet (men in particular) can handle knowing that intimate piece of information about you. Some men, as was the case for the young lady who posed the question, will think that you are issuing them a challenge and may try to see just how long you will hold fast to your convictions. Then once you give in, they’re out or once you prove that you are serious about your commitment and deny them the pleasure of enjoying your garden will be out. So how do you decide with whom to share it and when it is the right time? Here’s what I think.

You should only spill the beans on your sexual status when you’re at a point with the guy you’re dating that things are becoming more serious. If you only went out with him a few times and you are honestly not that into him, there’s no need to even delve into this conversation. I think it is important to wait until you can actually see a future with him. Everyone’s timetable is different on this. It may take a few days, weeks, or months to get to this place depending on the couple. So wait to see if you can sense if this guy is a keeper or not. Now, here’s where a deviation from this plan may occur. If the guy starts making sexual advances towards you, probably because he does not hold your same convictions, you may need to tell him sooner so that he won’t expect to go any further. If he bails on you or stops calling because of this then hold up two fingers and repeat after me, “Deuces!”. You don’t need him anyway.

Now I also think that the atmosphere in which you reveal your status is important. Waiting until after a late-night, romantic date when the slightest touch from your sweetie pie sends goosebumps up and down your spine, may not be the best time to tell him. You are both feeling less guarded in the “heat” of the moment; thus less prone to make rational, God-honoring decisions. A daytime stroll in the park or lunch date might make a safer atmosphere because hormones aren’t typically raging in a more neutral environment, and your date may receive this revelation a little better. Regardless to how he receives it though, it is worth discussing.

To sum this all up, it is a good idea to let the significant man in your life know where you stand. Of course you run the risk of him either valuing or not valuing your decision. So what if this news causes the relationship to take a turn for the worst? I would argue that it is actually a turn for the best because you now see the man’s character, and at the end of the day the person you really want to be pleased with your decisions is God. His opinion is the only one that matters, and in God’s eyes holiness is still right for all of His children–in a relationship or not.

These are just my thoughts. What do you think?

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