Tag Archive for Bible

Pushing Past Pessimism

Posted on March 15, 2016 by

imageA few weeks ago I facilitated my first Wait on God workshop at a church in Garner, North Carolina, and it was awesome! God showed up in our midst and blessed the people. He did exceeding abundantly above all that I thought and even asked for, and I felt confident in my future as a speaker. But the night before was a different story.

I was up until 3 am after a three-hour drive. There was no rest before getting on the road either. I worked all day, then went home to finish packing, and then I had a church service to attend. Needless to say, I was tired.com. Knowing that I still had some finishing touches to do for my presentation added some stress on top of my sleepiness. Self doubt and discouragement began to set in. You should just stick to writing books and leave the workshops alone, was the thought that shot across my mind at that moment considering all the preparation involved in presenting workshops. I followed it up. I was too tired to fight back. Yeah this is just way too much! I thought. I would be too tired to function let alone teach a workshop. I envied my husband who was sleeping soundly next to me as I plucked away at the keyboard, eyes stinging from the lack of sleep. I counted the amount of hours I’d be able to get if I laid down right then. A whopping 3 hours. I decided to take advantage of those few hours and finish gathering my thoughts after my nap.

I woke up feeling physically drained and still a little hesitant about how the workshop would flow. Again, this was my first time doing one and the fear of the unknown was very real. I couldn’t back out now. There was a group of about 20-25 ladies awaiting my arrival. I began to pray in the Holy Ghost as I got dressed, during the ride to the church, and during set up. Lord knows I needed to get out of my head (rational thinking), and I needed His direction and anointing to flow.

And flow it did. It felt to me as if I had been doing this for years. It felt like I knew these women all along. I was so comfortable and in my element. And they received. Now, I could credit ten years of teaching and every other life experience of talking to others that I’ve had for this sense of ease, but I don’t. Rather, I thank Christ Jesus my Lord, who has enabled me and counted me faithful to do this service in His name. I’m also thankful to God that I pushed past the pessimistic mindset that the enemy wanted me to adopt. If I had let the doubt paralyze me I would not have realized the potential that God put in me nor would the ladies have benefited from His gifting in me. And I encourage you to push beyond negativity so that you can experience the good success that God intends for you to experience and you can bless those whom God has put in your path to bless.

So what is the lesson in this? I learned two things from that experience that I will use going forward to prevent the spirit of pessimism from falling on me.

  1. Adopt a positive mantra (confession) for success. I am a firm believer that confession brings possession and that words have power. If success is what I desire, and the Word indicates that I can have success (Joshua 1:8) then I must believe that I do have success. But I can’t say it only once and expect results. That makes it only a statement. What makes it a confession is the ongoing nature of it. Repeating it over and over until it becomes a part of me. This process is transformative because it transforms the mind to think this way and ultimately become this way. If my mind is already programmed for success, there’s no way that it can be tricked into thinking otherwise.
  2. Trust God for success. Once you’ve done all the preparing you can possibly do, all that’s left to do is trust God to bless the works of your hands and give the increase. The sign of success for me at the end of this workshop was for my audience to receive something that would impact their lives. That I cannot do on my own and to think that I can is putting undo pressure on myself and displacing my trust. I need God to breathe life into my words so that they penetrate the hearts and bring about the necessary change.

So, what is it that you’ve been putting off doing as a result of listening to the wrong voice? And what steps can you take to push forward and into the destiny that God has predestined for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to comment below. 🙂

 

3 comments Posted in Relationship with God, Uncategorized

To Find or To Be Found?–That is the Question

Posted on March 30, 2015 by

wifeIs finding a mate just on “The Man”, and does that mean it’s improper for a single woman to let a man know she’s interested? This was the question posed on the Single and Saved Radio Show recently, and here’s my response.

The scripture in question on this day’s talk was Proverbs 18:22, which says,

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.”

I can see how a woman would think that this scripture renders her passive and powerless in this whole dating process. It puts me in the mind of a scene in a romance novel where an unsuspecting woman sitting in a restaurant just minding her own business is being admired from afar by a guy searching for love. Then in the midst of his gaze their eyes meet. Flirty smiles and glances are exchanged, and then the guy makes his way over to her and says something charming like, “What is a beautiful woman like yourself doing sitting here all alone?” From there the rest is history. That’s the fantasy most women wish would happen, but I don’t think that’s the rule. And it’s definitely not how my love story began.

The way my husband and I met may not have fairy tale status, but I still believe that what we have is one of a kind. This may sound crazy, but my husband did not have me to think about before we met, not because he didn’t find me attractive, but because he didn’t want to be known as “that guy” who dated all the women in the church. So, I was actually interested in him first. But let me be clear on this. I DID NOT PURSUE HIM! All I did was express indirect interest in him, and he took it from there. Here’s how.

Russell had been going to my church for years, but I nor anybody else knew much about him because he only came on Sundays and vanished immediately after service was over. He never parlayed to enjoy the fellowship or to get to know anyone. Come to find out, he worked nights and a swing shift on top of that, which was why he never made it to Bible Study and why he didn’t have much time to hang around. Well, after some time I noticed that he was coming to church more often. He showed up at Bible study, Friday night services, and even a few events on Saturdays. Something had obviously changed, and it had. His job schedule shifted, which allowed him more time for ministry. Now, I wouldn’t say that I was attracted to him at the time, but I was now aware of his presence.

But that changed one fateful Friday night. I was singing with the praise and worship team when all of a sudden this guy walked in church with a fresh low hair cut, some jeans that fit quite nicely, and a t-shirt revealing some pretty chiseled arms. Honestly speaking, it took me straight out of worship. Is that Brother Whitaker? I asked myself, totally losing focus of the song. (Forgive me, Lord!) You see before this particular night, Russell sported an afro (which I wasn’t too fond of), and the only clothes I had ever seen him in were suits that hid his physique. Needless to say, this was a very pleasant surprise. Yet, I still maintained my distance.

A few weeks later, I had the pleasure of hearing him speak in tongues and genuinely praise God before others in a worship service. Okay, at that point I moved from noticing, to attraction, to intrigue. He’s faithful, fine, and filled? I thought. I wanted to know more, but I still maintained my distance. I thought long and hard about how I could get to know him without seeming too forward because I didn’t want to be seen as the type to chase a man. So, I prayed about it and I talked to the one person I knew could give me sound counsel on how to proceed, my Pastor. As soon as I mentioned wanting to get to know Russell, he thought it was a great idea! “But how do I get to know him without being so obvious?” I asked. I couldn’t believe what he said next.

“You just need someone to talk to him for you, and I’ll do it” he offered. My eyes shot back and forth, and my mouth dropped open in disbelief.

“Sir?” I asked, frightened and confused at the same time. “I’ll talk to him the next time I see him,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”

The next few days felt like an eternity. I was so nervous because I didn’t know what he was going to say to him and more importantly I didn’t know what Russell’s reaction would be. The moment finally came, and I kind of hoped that my Pastor would forget what he said he would do, but he didn’t. When I saw the two of them talking I ran and hid. Can you imagine a 28-year-old woman hiding from a man? I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that was me, but it was. If you thought that first week felt like eternity, then the week following their “talk” felt like eternity to the 10th power. Sunday rolled around again, and I did at least muster up enough nerve to speak to Russell, but that was the extent of the conversation that day. I was a little disappointed because I figured he wasn’t interested in me, but I was also relieved because at least I knew where I stood and could stop wondering and move on. Little did I know, Russell was using that time to muster up enough courage to approach me. After church the next Sunday this is what I heard.

“Sister Bre, can I talk to you?” He must have been listening to Jodeci before church.

“Okay,” I said, trying to remain calm and bracing myself for a “I just want to be friends” conversation. We proceeded to walk into the parking lot for a little privacy.

“You seem to be a really nice person, and I’d like to get to know you better,” he continued. “Can I take you out sometime?” Did he just ask me out? I thought. This is not how I thought this was going to turn out. Pastor must have really made him think.

“I think we can make that happen,” I responded slow enough not to seem anxious yet fast enough to still show interest. From there, we exchanged numbers and talked on the phone several times before we actually went on out. Our first date was actually about 2 or 3 weeks later because of our busy schedules, but ever since that first date we’ve been inseparable.

So to be more explicit on the issue of whether or not it’s okay for a woman to let a man know that she’s interested, I would say that it is perfectly okay to show interest as long as she uses discretion and leaves it at that. Once that man sees that she is available and willing to entertain him, the ball is in his court. How he chooses to proceed is up to him. Just to reiterate, I don’t think it is cool for women to pursue men. I just think it’s acceptable to help a brother out with some subtle clues. Guys don’t like rejection either, so clues from you can reassure him that his efforts to pursue you won’t be met with resistance.

I want to leave you with this little tidbit I found while digging into Proverbs 18:22 more deeply. The meaning of the word “findeth” or matsa’ in the Hebrew language is to come forth to, appear or exist, to attain, to occur, to meet or be present, cause to find out, or cause to find occasion. That sounds to me like an introduction or opportunity and not necessarily a scavenger hunt. My pastor simply caused Russell to find out about me, and I was available to be found out about. Think about how Adam met Eve. He did not search for her. She was presented to him by God. There was his opportunity standing right before him. Even Ruth took advantage of an opportunity (as instructed by her mother-in-law, Naomi) to be in Boaz’s presence by gleaning in His fields. That was not a chance encounter or one that Boaz went searching for either. There she was right before his eyes. The rest was up to him. Now, ladies, I am not suggesting here that you use your most cunning feminine wiles to create these situations where you are always in a particular man’s face. That is border-line stalking. I am suggesting that you use wisdom given by the Lord and simply be attractive (but not slutty), available (but not easy), and obvious (but not a stalker). If you do that and above all else trust your Heavenly Father, He will ensure that the encounter you do have with the man He has chosen for you will be one to remember.

 

If you agree with me and even if you don’t, let me here your opinion in the comment section below. I’d love to hear thoughts from the single ladies and the stories from married ladies about how you and your husband met, so let’s chat.

 

 

 

No comments Posted in Dating

The Similarities of Sisters and Swine

Posted on January 25, 2015 by

pig_ringWhat does a nose ring-clad pig and a woman who uses poor judgment have in common? Well, let’s first explore the ridiculousness of swagged-out swine. No really. It’s ridiculous. And so is thinking that good looks and thickness in the hips and lips is what gives you value as a woman. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are (although being up in age and having this mindset does up the level of ridiculosity), you are not and should never be defined by your exterior, or your posterior for that matter. Use of discretion (making sound, godly decisions) coupled with beauty (inner is more important than outer) is what we should strive to develop and walk in as women of God.

King Solomon realized the value of discretion in a woman in Proverbs 11:22.

“Beauty in a woman without good judgment is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” (GNT)

Besides being ridiculous, a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a major devaluing of what is made to have great value. The ring ends up wallowing in the same mud and slop as the pig it’s attached to, and in that state it isn’t fit to adorn anybody’s hand as it should. It would have to be removed from its previous environment, washed thoroughly clean, and placed in the possession of someone who would properly care for it before being able to shine and add that expected bling factor.

Well, my sister this describes the sanctification process for believers as well. The blood of Jesus cleanses us from unrighteousness, delivers us from the hands of satan and places us into the hands of our Heavenly Father, and we must remove ourselves from our former environment and ungodly influences in order to reflect God’s glory in the earth.

It is our job to allow a continual cleansing to occur in our lives by the Word of God. Returning to or staying in the same old environment with the same old friends, hanging out in the same old places, and doing the same old things is what keeps us in the same old defeated, misused, and abused state. It’s time for a real, lasting change, and that starts with a decision from you.

When I was about 18 years old I had a life changing come-to-Jesus moment. I had just graduated from high school and was a few weeks away from going off to basic training in the Army Reserves. Now having access to the local Army base, I decided to attend a concert with a friend of mine to hear one of my favorite male singing groups perform.

I wanted to look my best and a little sexy too, so I wore a slinky, form fitting dress with no support for the my girls (If you know what I mean). I was so sexy (and I guess groupy looking) that one of the members of the group invited me to his hotel room. In retrospect I realize that was a trap set by satan to get me in a compromising position literally, but in my eighteen year-old head I thought this was an awesome opportunity to hang out with a celebrity. How cool? Not cool at all because what I thought was an innocent and fun after party turned into  a proposition for sex. Thankfully, I declined the offer. Thankfully I made it out of there without something terrible happening to me. Nevertheless I was still devastated. I felt foolish because I misinterpreted his intentions. What about me said “I’m easy” to him? I wondered. I’m sure my outfit and the fact that I ended up following their limousine to the gas station had something to do with it. At that moment I decided that I didn’t ever want anybody ever again to draw that conclusion about me. When I got home I cleaned my closet of all suggestive clothing (including the dress I had on) and asked the Holy Spirit to give me wisdom and a conviction about my appearance to avoid sending the wrong messages to men.

Just in case you think you’re off the hook because you are already modest in your dress, good judgment also applies to non-clothing related things as well. It applies to any decision you make that either brings shame or glory to the God you serve. It applies to the things you say, the things you post, how you treat people, what you do when no one is looking, and how you respond in tough situations. Do your current actions honor God or do they offend Him? Do they make you a beacon of light or a promoter of darkness? Think about that the next time you pose for a picture or share intimate details of your life with others that really are none of their business anyway. Think about that when things or people make you angry or an opportunity to do something dishonest presents itself.

I want to strongly encourage you make a decision today to be the woman God has called to be and shun the woman the world is saying you should be. You are a precious jewel in the sight of your Father and have been snatched out of the pig’s snout (aka.the world) for His holy purposes. Think it, live it, and be proud of it!

2 comments Posted in Relationship with Self, Uncategorized
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