Tag Archive for Christianity

How Long is Too Long to Date? Part 4

Posted on November 21, 2014 by

242687-engagement-ringTo wrap up this conversation on appropriate dating timelines for Christians, I thought I’d make myth # 4 an addendum to myth # 1.  This one also has to do with finances, but I thought it was good enough to stand alone.

Myth # 4:  I’m saving up for the perfect ring (the expensive diamond she wants.)

I know that we live in a materialistic society and that every woman wants to rock some “bling” on her hand, but I hardly believe that a Christian woman would withhold that same hand in marriage simply because her man didn’t propose with the ring of her dreams, unless of course she’s just that superficial. No disrespect ladies, but we can place more emphasis on this aspect than we should, especially when we start comparing with what other women have. That’s your man and it will be your marriage. Trying to live like the Jones’ can have you living like the Evans’ instead.

“Keepin’ your head above water,
Making a wave when you can.
Temporary lay offs. – Good Times.
Easy credit rip offs. – Good Times.
Scratchin’ and surviving. – Good Times.
Hangin in a chow line – Good Times.
Ain’t we lucky we got ’em – Good Times.”

I don’t think the ring is worth that.

Remember, a ring is just a symbol of the unbroken covenant between two people.  The amount of carets in it does not add to or take away from that covenant nor the love that two people share.  There are countless celebrities and non-celebrities who have diamonds for days on their fingers, but only stay married for a minute.  In that case, the ring didn’t mean a thing.  Fellas, if you can afford a fabulous ring for your sweetie, then great! But, if you can’t afford it or see that the thousands of dollars can be better spent elsewhere on your new life together (such as a house) then that’s great too. I don’t think that she will fault you for being fiscally responsible.  (I don’t think.)  By no means am I saying you should be cheap or that there should be no effort put into this special occasion, but I also don’t think that it is a good excuse to postpone a wedding.  Besides, the rest of your lives is plenty of time to make up for it in the form of a diamond upgrade.  My husband already knows that I expect one in a few years. 🙂

So, I still haven’t figured out how long is too long to date someone before marrying them.  Truthfully, every couple is different.  Hopefully though, I have at least taken away a few excuses that might prolong the time for some.

IJS

Are there others that I haven’t considered?  Please share.

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How Long is Too Long to Date? Part 3

Posted on November 20, 2014 by
the one

Selah. Pause and calmly think about that.

Good day, folks!  It’s time to continue exploring reasons why some couples put wedding plans off into the distant future.  I hope you are having as much fun reading this as I am having writing it.

Myth # 3:  I’m need proof that he/she is “THE ONE.”

I totally understand the importance of being confident in your choice for a spouse.  Marriage isn’t something to be entered into lightly, and you should get to know the person you are dating.  But here’s the kicker…you will never know all there is to know about a person just by dating them. As much as people say they are keeping it real while dating, for the most part they are still putting their best faces forward. There are certain things that you can only learn through a marriage relationship. Now wait a minute.  I feel the need to restate that I am addressing Christians who have a desire to do things God’s way.  Therefore, shacking and common law situations are NOT an option for those individuals, according to God’s holy ordinances. At some point you’ve got to believe that the information you’ve gathered through dating is enough and trust God with the rest.

Now for those who need proof that you are with the right one, my question to you is what kind of sign are you waiting for after years and years of dating? Are you waiting for a supernatural experience from God like a dream, a prophesy, or a burning bush experience? Are you waiting on a certain feeling or emotion to just overtake you? Are you waiting for the things you don’t like about the person to change? Are you waiting on a particular person you’ve been hiding in your back pocket to make a move so you know what your next one should be?  Let me share this bit of wisdom with you.  First, God does not always speak through dreams or prophecies.  Actually, He most often speaks through His Word and through your spirit in the form of a “knowing” and a still small voice that you have to be sensitive enough spiritually to perceive. Second, I wouldn’t put too much stock in feelings because they change, and because “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) It’s not safe to base your life decisions on a false witness. Also, faith and feelings don’t line up. We are instructed to walk by faith, not by sight or our senses (2 Corinthians 5:7). It takes faith to marry and stay married, no matter who you choose. Thirdly, what you see is what you get.  Expecting a person to change for you is futile. Change can only occur with the aid of the Holy Ghost, but a person has to want the change.  You wanting it for them is not enough. Fourth, if you have a backup plan that includes another person in case things with your current relationship don’t pan out, your motives were wrong to begin with.  It is impossible to build a loving relationship if your heart isn’t all in.  In either of those cases, you’ve got to figure out from whence cometh your indecision.

If it comes from a valid place where there are valid concerns that need addressing, that’s cool.  But what’s not cool is playing the string game with the person you are dating.  That’s the game where you string them along with their emotions dragging behind you while you decide what you want to do. I played this game once during my dating years, not because I was trying to be cruel but because I could not come to terms with my own conflicting emotions.  I didn’t want to lose out on a great person, but I also knew that I wasn’t as into him as he was into me.  It wasn’t fair for me to make him wait on me to make up my mind when he already knew what he wanted.  So once I realized what was happening, I put the relationship on hold until I could figure some things out. That much needed space helped me put things into perspective and allowed him the opportunity to find the love he really deserved with someone else. Am I saying that everyone should do this?  Not at all.  I am suggesting that if you have reservations about your relationship that you work on finding out why instead of continuing to date aimlessly.

IJS

What are your thoughts?  Challenges of thought are welcomed too. 🙂 By the way, be on the lookout for Part 4 in tomorrow’s post.

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How Long is Too Long to Date? Part 2

Posted on November 19, 2014 by

commitment-phobiaGood day, folks!  Let’s continue with this conversation on how long a Christian should date a person before getting married.  Yesterday I shared the first myth that prevents some couples from tying the knot sooner rather than later or sometimes never.  Today I will share the second.

Myth # 2:  I can’t be with the same man/woman for the rest of my  life.

This sounds like a fear of commitment, and you did not inherit that trait from your Heavenly Father.  He (father, son, and holy ghost) is the perfect example of true commitment.  He is so committed to you that He gave His only son to die for you so that you could be saved.  He is so committed to you that He loves you through everything–the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He is even so committed to you that he promised to never leave you nor forsake you.  That’s commitment at its finest. On top of that, He’s not given you the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

But I do know who the commitment phobia is coming from.  Satan.  He is the one who couldn’t be committed to righteousness since the beginning and the one who introduced that ungodly mindset to the world for the purpose of getting others to join him. The reason he got kicked out of heaven was because his pride got the best of him.  He turned against God, and refused to follow. That’s commitment at its worst. Then he showed up in the Garden of Eden to test Adam and Eve’s commitment to God, and unfortunately his trickery worked.  They failed the commitment test because of Satan’s lies.  Even today, he’s deceiving believers of Christ to think that it’s too hard or not worth it to commit their lives to God when there are so many others things they could be doing to satisfy the cravings of the flesh.  Beloved, do not be fooled by Satan’s gimmicks and do not join his bandwagon by believing that you can’t commit to one spouse until death do you part.  You can do all things through Christ who gives you the strength you need (Philippians 4:13).  You can live holy and be satisfied with one person in every way.  Jesus Christ and His grace make it possible to do. You may have been hesitant to make a commitment to live for Christ before you got saved because of a fear of failure, but now that you are saved do you regret it? Do you feel as if eternity is too long a time to commit to Him?  If you know anything about Him, I’m quite sure you want to be in this relationship for the long haul because it is so good.

And so is marriage.  Everything God made is good.  We just have to maintain it in order to continue enjoying the blessings of it. Of course a marriage relationship (heck, any relationship) can get stale if you allow it to.  So if you are worried that the flame will die down with time, be aware that it is your responsibility to add more wood to the fire; to put more coals on the grill; to put more kerosene in the heater (you see where I’m going with this).  If you are worried that somehow you will not be able to keep your marriage vows past the seven year itch, be aware that help is available to you if you would only ask.

“We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality.  He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all–all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help” (Hebrews 4:15-16 Message).  

IJS

What are your thoughts?  Feel free to offer more myths about marriage that need debunking (I love that word.)  And be on the lookout for myth # 3 in tomorrow’s post.

***For more tips on keeping things spicy in your marriage check out www.patchingcracks.com.

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