When I heard Shelby Swink’s story about being dumped by her boyfriend of three years only five days before they were scheduled to be married, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that sometimes unanswered prayers are a blessing in disguise. God has a funny way of working things out in our favor even when we can’t or refuse to see how it’s working in our favor at the time. That’s why it’s so important to seek His heart for us and not just His hand. When we spend time learning of Him, we learn His will for our lives and can begin to pray according to that will, not our own. While I’m sure there were warning signs prior to her boyfriend’s admission that he did not love her, for some reason she was unable to see them or either chose to ignore them. Nevertheless, I admire the way that Shelby was able to “embrace the journey that is [her] life and thrive on the fuels of opposition” as one of my fellow authors, Sabrina Memminger, puts it. (www.SabrinaLMemminger.com) Instead of remaining bitter about it, she has chosen to see the blessing in it. Instead of wallowing in complaints, she is thankful that her fiance told her before the wedding rather than waiting two years and two kids down the road. Now that is true. Although his timing was a bit delayed and majorly inconvenient, it was right on time. I don’t know if I would have been so quick to bounce back from the embarrassment and heartache and I definitely know I would think twice about ruining an expensive wedding gown. But hey, if she likes it I love it.
Tag Archive for engagement
The Blessing of Unanswered Prayers
How Long is Too Long to Date? Part 4
To wrap up this conversation on appropriate dating timelines for Christians, I thought I’d make myth # 4 an addendum to myth # 1. This one also has to do with finances, but I thought it was good enough to stand alone.
Myth # 4: I’m saving up for the perfect ring (the expensive diamond she wants.)
I know that we live in a materialistic society and that every woman wants to rock some “bling” on her hand, but I hardly believe that a Christian woman would withhold that same hand in marriage simply because her man didn’t propose with the ring of her dreams, unless of course she’s just that superficial. No disrespect ladies, but we can place more emphasis on this aspect than we should, especially when we start comparing with what other women have. That’s your man and it will be your marriage. Trying to live like the Jones’ can have you living like the Evans’ instead.
“Keepin’ your head above water,
Making a wave when you can.
Temporary lay offs. – Good Times.
Easy credit rip offs. – Good Times.
Scratchin’ and surviving. – Good Times.
Hangin in a chow line – Good Times.
Ain’t we lucky we got ’em – Good Times.”
I don’t think the ring is worth that.
Remember, a ring is just a symbol of the unbroken covenant between two people. The amount of carets in it does not add to or take away from that covenant nor the love that two people share. There are countless celebrities and non-celebrities who have diamonds for days on their fingers, but only stay married for a minute. In that case, the ring didn’t mean a thing. Fellas, if you can afford a fabulous ring for your sweetie, then great! But, if you can’t afford it or see that the thousands of dollars can be better spent elsewhere on your new life together (such as a house) then that’s great too. I don’t think that she will fault you for being fiscally responsible. (I don’t think.) By no means am I saying you should be cheap or that there should be no effort put into this special occasion, but I also don’t think that it is a good excuse to postpone a wedding. Besides, the rest of your lives is plenty of time to make up for it in the form of a diamond upgrade. My husband already knows that I expect one in a few years. 🙂
So, I still haven’t figured out how long is too long to date someone before marrying them. Truthfully, every couple is different. Hopefully though, I have at least taken away a few excuses that might prolong the time for some.
IJS
Are there others that I haven’t considered? Please share.
