Tag Archive for family

Name It and Aim It

Posted on May 23, 2016 by

A few weeks agName Tag (1)o I had the opportunity to be a guest blogger on www.2aiming3arrows.com, a website devoted to raising children (arrows) according to God’s plan. I wrote about my experience as a new mother aiming my infant arrow towards God. If you haven’t read it, check out Confessions of an Amateur Archer on that site. Anyhoo, I thought I’d share another strategy I’ve employed as a new mother to help guide my son’s spiritual journey in a Kingdom direction.

I began with his name. Gabriel King Whitaker. Years ago in planning for my future son I liked the name Braxton. I really wanted a distinguished name for him–something that would be impressive on a job application and sound like it came from a long line of wealthy people. But I also wanted his name to have a significant meaning. When I discovered that my first name means strong and virtuous, I could see how those words lined up with my life. This is no boast about me, y’all. This is a boast that God’s Word is true. Romans 4:18 C says,

…according to that which was spoken, so shall thy seed be.

This scripture refers to the faith Abraham exercised to receive God’s promise that he would be the father of many nations. God spoke those words over Abraham’s offspring, Abraham believed it, and Abraham received it. I am bold enough to also believe that the words I have spoken and will continue to speak over my son’s life will be in his life. My belief is based on the spiritual principal (found in Proverbs 18:21) that my words have creative power. I am convinced that even a person’s name is a declaration about what will be in his or her life. Each time their name is called, their destiny is being spoken over them. Now no offence to any Braxton’s out there, but when I looked up its meaning I wasn’t impressed. “The son of Brax” said nothing about the kind of person my son would become, so I ditched that idea. Truthfully, naming him after my husband Russell wasn’t an option either because “red” wasn’t gonna cut it. 🙂

The name Gabriel was actually inspired by a friend of mine at my bridal shower. Everyone participated in a game about predicting my future as Mrs. Whitaker. My first child’s name was one of the questions. She predicted that my daughter would be named Gabrielle Joy. As soon as I heard it I fell in love. I knew that Gabrielle was the feminine version of Gabriel and that Gabriel was the angel who delivered the news of Jesus’s birth to Mary. Besides that, it just sounded good coming out of my mouth. In doing further research I discovered that the Hebrew meaning is “God is my strength.” That settled it for me. Although my first born was a boy, I still wanted to use that name. Not only would my son be God’s messenger, but he would do it in the strength of God. That is what I wanted spoken over his life each time anyone addressed him.

Now about that middle name. King was my husband’s step father’s last name. He is the man who raised him, and we wanted to pay homage to him. I was totally against using his first name, which was Sonny, so the last name had to do. I’ll admit I had a few reservations about naming my son King. 1. I didn’t want others to think that we were arrogant to choose that name. 2. I also didn’t want Gabe to become arrogant and think he was somehow more privileged because of it. Despite my reservations, my husband was sold on King. No matter what other middle names I suggested, he wasn’t budging. But to God be the glory! I found comfort and confirmation in the Word. Here’s what I found in Revelation 5:10.

And hast made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth.

All of my apprehension vanished when I read this. The Bible declares that Jesus Christ, the most humble person to walk this earth, made us kings unto God, so it can’t be arrogant to make this claim. Also when I think about a king I think about a person who is chosen to lead like King David was. I want my son to know that he is called King, not because he rules over everybody (no, he will NOT run things in our house) but because he is a godly leader in doing what is right. And yes, I want him to reign in life, dominating every challenge and pitfall Satan tries to put in his path. As soon as he is old enough to understand, his father and I will teach Him these things. We will teach him that he is to use his leadership to set the right example and to draw people to Christ. We will teach him that he, as a child of God, is supposed to be the head and not the tail, above and never below in every situation. We will teach him to be a king not only in name, but in character. In that way, we are being intentional in establishing a foundation for him to be used by God and forming his future each time we utter his name. In other words, we are naming and aiming our baby arrow towards God.

Now I’d like to hear from you. Have you seen the fruit of your name’s meaning manifested in your life or the life of someone you know? Have you chosen your child’s name based on it’s meaning?

 

 

 

 

5 comments Posted in Family, Relationship with Others

What’s the Harm in Helping?

Posted on May 2, 2016 by

black-man-confusedThis past week I learned an important lesson that might have saved my marriage from some unnecessary stress. The lesson was that sometimes being helpful can cause more harm than good.

I had just dropped my son off at the babysitter’s house on my way to work and was headed out the door when he started whining. I figured he was hungry because I skipped his usual early morning feeding in the interest of time, knowing that he would be fed when he got there. Well, his grandmother and babysitter was preoccupied at the moment he began to whine, and I couldn’t just leave him like that (I know veteran moms would disagree). So I had a decision to make. I knew that I didn’t have much time to spare so my goal was to just tie him over until she could tend to him. I also figured that I would make it in time as long as I didn’t stop for my morning coffee on the way. I was torn because I wanted to do both. Surely taking care of my son was more important than coffee though, right?

Now let me just pause right here and say that coffee has become a close friend of mine since I became a mother. The night feedings, which result in broken sleep patterns and much tiredness throughout the day, introduced us to each other and I look forward to our daily meetings. Even though I stayed just long enough to momentarily satisfy my son, I still wanted my daily indulgence. So as I drove off, I figured out how I could still get my coffee by using a life line. I would phone a friend/coworker to pick it up for me.

I made the call, well actually I sent the text. I asked a male coworker if he would mind swinging by the Corner Pantry to pick up a cup of the warm and sweet energizer for me and I would pay him for it when he arrived. Being the nice guy that he, is he said it was fine even though he was planning to work in a different location that particular day. The Holy Spirit began to object to this kind gesture through an unction I felt immediately in my spirit.

It’s not right to ask him to come out of his way just to bring you some coffee, He offered.

My flesh answered back. “But he said doesn’t mind,” I thought out loud. “Besides, there’s no harm in a friend doing a friend a favor. AND I’m going to pay him back.”

But what would your husband say if he knew about it? And how would you feel if a woman went out of her way to bring him coffee? He reasoned with me.

That thing made me go hmmm. I really wanted that coffee, but I knew I wouldn’t like it if the tables were turned and deep down I felt like my hubby wouldn’t either. I put my flesh under and canceled the coffee.

Afterwards I called Russell to share what almost happened and the Holy Spirit’s leading was precisely right, not surprisingly. He in fact did not like the idea of another man, friend or not, doing me special favors, especially not for something as trifling as a cup of coffee. Now that I think about it that kind of reminds me of Esau, who sold his birthright (right to receive his father’s inheritance as the eldest son) for a bowl of soup (a temporary gratification to his flesh). How does this relate? Basically, had I insisted on making provision for my flesh and disregarded both the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and my husband’s feelings, I would be compromising the blessing and integrity of my marriage. I could have also caused harm in another area as well.

Mine and my coworker’s Christian character and the nature of our relationship, although very aboveboard, could come into question if others became aware of this favor. You know how folks do. They smile as if everything is all good, but on the inside or in the company of others they’re really making accusations and assumptions about you. Why give them a reason to do it? The Bible does teach us to abstain from all appearances of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22) and to not let our good be evil spoken of (Romans 14:16) for that reason. I didn’t want that for either of us.

Here are some points to consider as you and I endeavor to cultivate our godly marriages.

  1. Maintain proper boundaries when dealing with members of the opposite sex outside of you marriage. You have to think about more than just yourself here because it’s not about YOU anymore. It’s about Y’ALL. Rule of thumb…if any of your friendly relationships make your spouse uncomfortable then those relationships need tweaking. Your spouse should feel 100% secure about your friendships because you’ve given them every reason to feel secure with open and honest communication. You cannot control the actions or feelings of another person, but you most certainly can control your response to them especially if they are inappropriate. Make it absolutely positively clear that you love and respect your spouse and will not tolerate inappropriate behavior from them. If they don’t heed your words, you know what to do next. Abandon the friendship. You can always find new friends. The goal is to keep the spouse you have and keep him/her happy.
  2. Consult your spouse before making commitments to others, even if it is to help them in some way. Sometimes our friends ask us to do favors for them and in many cases these requests stem from legitimate needs. It’s fine to do them if they don’t interfere with what’s going on in your own home. To prevent confusion or resentment between you and your mate simply run these favors by him/her before you accept. It shows that you value them enough to consider how your decisions affect them (and they do because you are one). They may have already made plans for the family, and you don’t want to put your spouse on the back burner for a friend unless they agree to it. Remember, your number one priority and commitment is to your spouse, even if that means turning down a friend occasionally. As they say, “They’ll be aight!” If the friend cannot understand this, then they may not be a true friend anyway.

I am very fortunate that my husband is not the jealous, insecure type and I want to do all I can to keep it that way. So from now on I’ll be sure to make the most helpful choice and get my own coffee. 🙂

Now it’s your turn to respond. What are some other ways that our attempts to be helpful in our homes and families or to let someone else help us can cause harm to our relationships instead?

No comments Posted in Marriage, Relationship with Others, Uncategorized

Their Love. Our Love. His Love

Posted on April 24, 2016 by

Ok so I’m doing something different for Manifest Monday this week. I’ve invited guest blogger Esther Gaines, an awesome woman of God and host of 2aiming3arrows.com, to share some of her insight about aiming our arrows (children and family) towards God. So enjoy, leave your comments for her, and check out her website as well. Thanks, Esther, for your contribution!

Growing up, I don’t remember oEsther's blog picur family being very physically or verbally affectionate. As a mother now, it’s something I’m very intentional about doing. Even though it initially felt awkward (and still does sometimes), I push past how I feel and give them what I know they need. However, God has been showing me that I’m still lacking love in very simple interactions I have with my sons. I’ll tell my oldest “Good job!” on his cursive writing, but it’s AFTER I’ve pointed out two areas he can improve. I’ll tell our middle son “Awesome!” for picking up his toys without being asked AFTER I’ve pointed out the two Legos he missed. And RIGHT AFTER I say these things, God whispers to me “Esther… why?? Yeah, you’re saying it, but it’s a little backwards.” I DON’T KNOW, GOD! IT JUST CAME OUT THAT WAY! With all of this, when I just out-right fail to notice the good they do, I will inevitably find our oldest son going ABOVE AND BEYOND to help me with his baby brother or things around the house. He will also ask me to look at EVERY single flip or shot he makes. Our younger son will also ask me to look at EVERY SINGLE drawing he makes and Lego airplane he has designed. Show-N-Tell doesn’t have to be put on the calendar in these times; it will occur every 5 -10 minutes. And I think I know why…

My sons are deeply desiring my genuine attention. They want to know, by my responses AND actions, I care about what they care about. That I “see them” and will simply invite them into my whole heart’s world as much as they invite me into theirs.

They, as little boys, are just like us.

We were created to love AND be loved, specifically by God. So, how does this happen? How do we know love?

Our knowledge or how we “know” love is, by default, based on how we were loved by our parents or caretakers. Children whose parents/caretakers were physically affectionate, spoke many “I love yous”, or were shown adequate attention tend to become the same as parents. Children who experience the opposite or minimal exposure to such behaviors tend to operate in the same manner as parents too. What’s so fascinating about this is how it relates to not only our children but also the relationships we have in our lifetime. I see this in my own life, so maybe I’m the only one 😉

Based on how we were raised or how we have come to understand love, we often walk out the same patterns & ideas of love with our spouse, our children, our relatives, our friends, our church community members, our co-workers, etc. We will love them the same way we were loved and/or how we came to understand love.

We may love others deeply or we may love them distantly.

We may love others through their errors because OUR parents/caretakers loved us through our errors by surrounding their discipline of us with love.

We may love others UNTIL they do something wrong or something bad happens (or we wait and expect something bad to happen) because our parents/caretakers “seemed” to have loved us until we did something wrong or there was a divorce that happened (NOTE from self: the devil is a deceiver & often ALWAYS twists our emotions against facts unknown and known)

We may tolerate and not really love others because it seems our parents/caretakers “tolerated” and didn’t really “love” us.

We may even find ourselves loving people by doing things for them in hopes they will reciprocate the attention and concern we’re longing for or encouragement we need to hear (Rejection  Longing  Alternative means for attention)

Like I said, I truly believe and know from my own experience that we will often love others the same way we were loved and/or how we came to understand love… unless we are shown otherwise. Unless we are shown THE epitome of love. GOD in Christ Jesus because… He IS love. I John 4:8

Love which is present and deeper than our hearts.

Love that pursues us in our times of error and discipline.

Love that endures with us when the bad happens.

Love that doesn’t tolerate our mess but still chases us with honesty so we can be free.

Love which requires no work of ours to earn.

When we encounter this love and more from God, the way our parents/caretakers did or did not love us will be overshadowed by how much God loves and desires us, enabling our lives to be satisfied completely by Him. As we learn this, we MUST apply it to our hearts, forgive and share this great love by loving others the way GOD calls us to love, not by our own standards and tainted emotions.

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation (appeasement) for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” I John 4:8-12

My sons were and still are deeply desiring my genuine attention. They want to know I “see them” and will invite them into my world as much as they invite me into theirs. As a mother, I must give my heart fully to God and receive HIS love so I can love them as much as He does.

But I’ll fail and never be able to love them as much as God does. That’s why, above all else, I have to aim my little boy arrows (and others) towards God in Christ Jesus. I pray daily they encounter and KNOW the love of their Heavenly Father whose love is flawless, unrelenting and ever-present because, at the end of the day, I will never be able to love them in ways that fulfill their needs and be shared righteously towards others.

However, GOD and His love ALWAYS will.

Psalm 127:gaines_photoshoot2015_24 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” This verse changed Esther’s life as a mother, so she started blogging in 2014 to share the easy and challenging lessons of aiming God’s arrows in His direction.

Since her first job at 14 years old as an after-school care leader, a youth ministry leader in her 20s as well as a licensed middle school Language Arts teacher, one would think raising and aiming arrows was in Esther’s DNA – something she was naturally able to do. However, she has found that God knows us better than we know ourselves, knows exactly what we need to humble us and knows how to keep us at His feet. For her, it was not about the experience she had with children; it was coming to grips with the realities of motherhood. With seven years of marriage beginning as a newly-wed mom to now homeschooling two of three boys, Esther finds comedy in how God teaches her lessons through her sons, guides her with His word and grants her patience & mercy through His presence.

“As I blog about the lessons God is teaching me, it is my hope another mom or parent can be encouraged, laugh out loud and find the same strength I’ve found through my very ‘ugly-honest’ relationship with Jesus. Maybe I get put in awkward mommy situations because of my stubbornness and pride. Maybe it is to make an example out of me. Whatever the reason, I’m becoming grateful and trusting of God through my failures, praying other parents will do the same.”

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