Tag Archive for lifestyle

Going to Church Is Not Just About YOU

Posted on June 9, 2016 by

This post, inspired by my VBS students, is for all the parents out there, both married and single, who are working hard to take care of their kids financially but are missing out on another important element of raising children. Please read and share with someone you know who needs to hear this truth. It just may set them free.

These past few days I have bfamily at church.gifeen teaching a youth Vacation Bible School class consisting of children ages 7-10, and I must say that I’ve been amazed. I’m amazed at how excited these children are to learn more about the Lord. I’m amazed at how much they already know about His Word. I’m amazed at how boldly they testify about God blessing them. I’m amazed at the depth of the things they’ve prayed to God about–things that an adult may not even think to pray. Moments like these make me, as a new parent, grateful to be a part of a ministry that teaches the Word, not just Bible stories, and takes the salvation of our youth seriously. How did these youngsters become so deeply rooted in God’s Word? It’s quite simple, really. Their parents raised them in church.

I’ve come across quite a few people over the years, particularly men and single moms who have told me they don’t go to church because they have to work. Yes, you most certainly have to work to provide for your family. The Bible backs that up completely. But money ain’t everything, and when you are obedient to God He won’t let you go lacking. Get this, your biggest priority is to provide spiritual nourishment to your family by taking them to church on a consistent basis so they can be fed God’s Word. You don’t just feed them every now and then do you? How about just on holidays? Of course not. They would be malnourished, and you would be guilty of neglect if you did. Well, you can be just as guilty of neglect with God if you deprive your children of the spiritual nourishment and development that consistently being in God’s house provides. Hebrews 10:25 (GNT) says,

Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.

In addition, taking your children to church is a part of the spiritual training that God commands, not suggests, that Christian parents do. Proverbs 22:6 says this…

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

A large part of training is practicing what you preach. In other words, it’s demonstrating to your children that what you are telling them to do is also important to you. I don’t know about you but I have trouble with people who require me to do something they are not willing to do themselves. Your children may feel the same way if all you do is send them to church while you do whatever it is you do until they get back. It sends the message that going to church isn’t important. They may be inclined to repeat that same pattern of behavior when they become parents. The bottom line, folks, is this. You are the ordained spiritual covering for your household as a parent, and God is holding you responsible for raising the next generation of righteous people. You cannot do that apart from His House. And yes, we are to foster a Word and worship atmosphere in our homes as well, but personal private worship should not replace corporate worship. It should compliment it.

My intent is not to be judgmental here. I am speaking from experience. Growing up, I didn’t go to church every Sunday. For years we only went on special occasions like Easter and New Year. Truthfully, dressing up for Easter is all I can really remember about church as a young child. I think I was about six or seven when my mom and I started going every Sunday. I don’t think we were regular Bible study goers until much later than that. So what’s my point? If I were to compare myself as a child to the children in my VBS class they would have run circles around me in church and in life because they have been blessed to be raised in the church, which has given them a strong foundation in the Word. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad for the foundation I did get, but I believe I would have been so much farther along in my faith walk if I had been taught faith from the very beginning.

So here are a few practical tips that will help you get to a place where consistent church attendance is possible.

  1. Change your work schedule if you can. If you have any control over your schedule, take church times off.  If you don’t have a say in the matter, pray about it. The good thing about having a divine connection with your Heavenly Father is that He hears your prayers. If you are praying according to His will (you going to church is His will), He will give you what you desire (1 John 5:15). You could just send them to church with someone else while you go to work or stay home to rest, but they need to see you worship God. One of my favorite quotes says “Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” You should want your children to imitate a good work ethic, but you should want even more for them to imitate a good worship ethic.
  2. Be persistent. If a hectic work schedule is not your issue, you have got to learn persistence when it comes to church attendance. Rainy weather is not a reason to miss church. Tiredness is not a reason to miss church. Hard times are not even a reason to miss church. Truth be told, we press for everything else we want to do–shopping, ball games, hair appointments, concerts, etc. etc. etc. As far as hard times and disappointments go, church is the best place you could be when you are going through. We find encouragement in the Word and strength from others of like faith in the sanctuary. Your children need this. YOU need this. Don’t let the minor setbacks of life keep you out of God’s house and out of fellowship with His people.
  3. Find a Word-based church. Not being able to find a church is no excuse either because there’s a church on every corner just about. BUT it is so uber important to find a church that is teaching the Word of God. In these days and times we don’t need to hear Bible stories. We need to hear truth that will prepare us for the daily spiritual battles we will face. If you don’t currently have a church like that pray that God will lead you where He wants to plant you. Yours and your children’s spiritual growth depends on it because the more you learn and grow the more you can instill in them.

So, regularly attending church is about you, but it is also about your children. Face it, being a parent requires much sacrifice. To whom much is given much is required. God blessed us when He gave us our children, and He is requiring that we give them the best possible care that we can physically, emotionally, AND spiritually.

What are your thoughts? Can you attest to how regular church attendance has helped your family?

2 comments Posted in Family, Relationship with God

Do Tell–A Guide to Determine When It’s Ok to Spill the Beans About Your Sexual Status

Posted on June 3, 2015 by

Have you ever told a guydecision that you were dating that you were either committed to a life of celibacy or plan to remain a virgin until marriage and the relationship took a turn for the worst? I was recently asked how I handled sharing my virgin status as a single woman with the men I dated. I thought it was a good question to explore and that some others may benefit from this discussion.

First of all, your decision to practice celibacy or to remain a virgin until marriage is a very honorable one and one of which to be proud. But let’s face it…not everyone you meet (men in particular) can handle knowing that intimate piece of information about you. Some men, as was the case for the young lady who posed the question, will think that you are issuing them a challenge and may try to see just how long you will hold fast to your convictions. Then once you give in, they’re out or once you prove that you are serious about your commitment and deny them the pleasure of enjoying your garden will be out. So how do you decide with whom to share it and when it is the right time? Here’s what I think.

You should only spill the beans on your sexual status when you’re at a point with the guy you’re dating that things are becoming more serious. If you only went out with him a few times and you are honestly not that into him, there’s no need to even delve into this conversation. I think it is important to wait until you can actually see a future with him. Everyone’s timetable is different on this. It may take a few days, weeks, or months to get to this place depending on the couple. So wait to see if you can sense if this guy is a keeper or not. Now, here’s where a deviation from this plan may occur. If the guy starts making sexual advances towards you, probably because he does not hold your same convictions, you may need to tell him sooner so that he won’t expect to go any further. If he bails on you or stops calling because of this then hold up two fingers and repeat after me, “Deuces!”. You don’t need him anyway.

Now I also think that the atmosphere in which you reveal your status is important. Waiting until after a late-night, romantic date when the slightest touch from your sweetie pie sends goosebumps up and down your spine, may not be the best time to tell him. You are both feeling less guarded in the “heat” of the moment; thus less prone to make rational, God-honoring decisions. A daytime stroll in the park or lunch date might make a safer atmosphere because hormones aren’t typically raging in a more neutral environment, and your date may receive this revelation a little better. Regardless to how he receives it though, it is worth discussing.

To sum this all up, it is a good idea to let the significant man in your life know where you stand. Of course you run the risk of him either valuing or not valuing your decision. So what if this news causes the relationship to take a turn for the worst? I would argue that it is actually a turn for the best because you now see the man’s character, and at the end of the day the person you really want to be pleased with your decisions is God. His opinion is the only one that matters, and in God’s eyes holiness is still right for all of His children–in a relationship or not.

These are just my thoughts. What do you think?

 

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2 comments Posted in Dating

Mothers, Don’t Disable Your Daughters

Posted on February 16, 2015 by

chore-listI participated in a very enlightening discussion recently with some close friends of mine about the Virtuous Woman. The focus verse was Proverbs 31:14 which states, “She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar” (KJV). What is interesting about this particular quality in our beloved forerunner is that she does not seek convenience or the fast and easy way out of anything. Instead she seeks to present her family with quality. The majority of us young women in the group, consisting of wives, mothers, and single ladies had to admit that in our day and age we do indeed often favor a lifestyle of convenience, which sometimes compromises the quality of what we bring to the table (literally and figuratively) and is a stark contrast to the habits of the women in generations preceding ours. We see this in the amount of money spent on eating out (not to mention the amount of fast food we feed our kids) and the state of disarray we find our homes in more often than not. What happened to us? What happened to women who cooked, cleaned, raised multiple children and worked jobs without skipping a beat? Well, life happened. Career demands, ministry responsibilities, high-maintenance children, household chores with little to no help from husbands, going back to school, and honestly speaking bouts of laziness happens. So what do we do about it?

The first step is to realize that the role of the woman and God’s expectations of us as clearly outlined in His Word have not changed despite what many new-agers would say. Is that to say that the woman’s role is limited to the home? Not at all. It is to say that while the man is to be the head of the house and the leader of the family, we as women are to be the head of our home, as one very wise sister stated. Well isn’t that a contradiction? Not really. As the head of the home, we are responsible to see to it that the home is managed efficiently. I have no qualms with that. I just need a little help getting it done with all the other duties and endeavors on my plate. Does it take being a super woman? Since super human abilities are restricted to super heroes, which none of us are I’d say a resounding “No!” Instead, I think it takes super strategy, skill, and a sho-nuff system to be as effective as the virtuous woman is, which is step number two.

Not everyone’s system will look the same. What works for me may not work for you, so it is important to really seek God for a strategy that will specifically suit you and your family. You may not think that God is concerned with the manner in which you run your home, but He is. And when he reveals the strategy to you be diligent to carry it out with the aid and in the strength of the Holy Spirit. Believe it or not, the state of affairs in your home will spill out into the state of your life. Others will be able to see it in the way you operate outside your home. God cares because He cares about you and He wants you to be the best representation of Him that you can be. God is not out of order. Nor does He neglect His responsibilities. As His daughters, we shouldn’t either.

The third step is to ensure that we keep the proper precedent of how the virtuous woman operates in front of our daughters so that these virtuous qualities won’t be lost on them. The way that my grandmother, my mother and I were raised is completely different. My grandmother grew up picking cotton, cooking family meals from scratch (down to killing chickens off the yard), and going on to raise four children with an abusive husband. Life was certainly not easy for her. When my mother was growing up she had to do everything around the house: cook, clean, and watch after her younger sister and brothers under the pressure of her very demanding father. No peaches and cream there either. I, on the other hand, did have it pretty easy growing up compared to the two of them. I had a few chores, but was never made to do the things that either of them did daily. In our discussion one sister said that our parents wanted our lives to be better than their lives were, so they didn’t put the same amount of demands on us. That makes sense on the surface. But underneath it all I think it disabled us to a degree.

As a former classroom teacher and current school counselor I know what it means to be an enabler. I’ve seen numerous parents over the years who can accurately be placed in this category. Enablers make it easy for children to misbehave and make poor choices by failing to nip problem behaviors in the bud when they first occur and by making excuses for their children when really those excuses don’t excuse. It’s a parenting predicament among more recent generations, and I would argue that disabling is also a problem on the rise.

To disable is to make unable or unfit; and to weaken or destroy the capability of. Because of the lack of demands, many of our children are missing the care for the home that was ingrained in our mothers and grandmothers. In my opinion, we don’t need to relax the standards for our children to make life easier for them. It is our responsibility to instill those characteristics in the way that we raise them. So give them jobs to do around the house and require that they be completed on a reasonable time table. Teach them how to do these things and hold them accountable. And although the title is gender specific, let me just add that boys are not exempt from learning to be responsible around the house. That expectation will help to turn our boys into more supportive husbands on the home front. If we fail to do that, we are making them unfit for future family life and weak in work ethic. Let’s work to preserve the tradition, honor, and dignity of the virtuous woman in our own lives and the lives of generations to come. 

Feel free to share any other insights on this topic or strategies that help you be the phenomenal, virtuous woman in your home. Shout out to Deaconess Cheryl Hayes for inspiring this topic. Thanks, girlie!

No comments Posted in Family, Relationship with Others
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