In April of 2011 at the age of 30, I married the man of my dreams.  After all the years of waiting and wishing, hoping and praying, God sent my prince.  And what’s ironic about our love story is that during all the years of waiting and wishing, hoping and praying, he (my husband) had been there all along.  I was just too blind to see it.  For years we had shared a church; we had heard the same sermons and shared the same beliefs, but we were totally oblivious to the possibility of being with each other.  All the time I wondered, where is my future husband and when will we meet?  Yeah, sure I dated “unsuccessfully” for quite some time, not even realizing the blessing that was right under my nose, or more appropriately, a few pews over, waiting to be revealed by God and acknowledged by me.

I was one who worried that God, with His sense of humor, would send me someone who I would least expect as my mate. “Please Lord, don’t let it be someone I’m not attracted to,” I would beg.  I wanted him to be good-looking, saved, and a member of my church–a BMW–Black Man Worshiping.  Well, I got all that and more in my husband, Russell.

What I’ve learned from my experience is that blindness is not just the inability to see, it’s the inability to see clearly and with sound judgment as one should.  Let me explain.  Sometimes when looking too hard for anything, one never sees it staring them right in the face–right where it should be or where it was left.  I recently misplaced my digital camera battery charger.  I searched and searched everywhere I thought it would be, but to no avail.  Finally, I decided to just buy another one to replace it since I would be needing my camera in the near future.  I quickly changed my mind though when I found out how much a replacement would cost.   Not wanting to spend the money myself, I asked my husband to buy it for me as a Christmas gift.  A few days before Christmas I decided to tidy up my room a bit.  I threw away junk mail and all sorts of other clutter invading my space.  After about an hour of this, I discovered my battery charger right where I had left it and where I had looked for it weeks before.  I couldn’t find it then because it was hidden by accumulating junk.  The same is true in the case of my husband.  Like the battery charger he was right before my eyes; right where God put Him; and where I believed he would be, but he was concealed by my superficial and unrealistic expectations.

The laundry list went on and on…he should be this complexion, have this job, make this amount of money, stand this tall, and be this age.  Not to forget he must be saved and share my same beliefs concerning spiritual matters.  Over the years, however, the former list began to dwindle and the latter became paramount.  It became more important to me that my husband possess certain spiritual qualities like patience, generosity, kindness, gentleness, faith, and love.  If he had all these things then quite naturally all the rest of the physical attributes would follow.  And they did.  While my husband doesn’t earn a six figure salary or drive a fancy car, he makes me very happy and we complement each other quite well both physically and spiritually.

So as the year 2012 heads our way, I want to challenge you to take a step of faith and wait for your mate.  Here are just a few things that I have learned along the way that may help you WAIT ON GOD.

• W.  Wish others well.  You’ll find that celebrating another couple’s success and genuinely being concerned for their well being will actually do you some good.  Being jealous of other relationships only makes you bitter and unable to see the good that is already in your life.  I’ve learned that the good things I make happen for others, God will make happen for me.
• A.  Abstain from fleshly lusts.  Although it is a challenge to remain sexually pure these days, it is for your benefit.  When fornication is introduced into your relationship it brings all sorts of unnecessary problems with it, and it clouds your judgment, keeping you from making godly decisions.  You will thank God you waited for your wedding night to experience the joys of intercourse, as He promises in His Word to bless those who keep Word.  I know we did.
• I.  Involve a spiritual leader.  My pastor played a pivotal role in my relationship from the start.  As a matter of fact, he hooked us up.  Knowing that my pastor, the one I trust to guide me spiritually, approved of my dating choice gave me a peace of mind.  The added bonus was that he pastored Russell too, so his insight proved to be a valuable tool in deciding if we were right for each other.
• T.  Trim your list.  Stick to what is most important, which is what is in the heart of the man, not what is in his wallet or what is on his back.  While money and attraction are important and have their place within a marriage, they should not be the ultimate deciding factor in choosing a mate.  Money alone will not make a man have integrity, but integrity can bring a fortune into his possession.
• O.  Open your mind to the possibilities.  Had I remained rigid in my assessment of a good man for me, I would have missed out on my good thing.  My initial hangup with my husband was his age.  I said several times in the past that the 15 years between us was a deal breaker, but now it is a non-issue.  We get along great, as if we were the same age, and the years of experience have only made him a better, more patient man.  Just what I need.
• N.  Never compromise.  Your values are valuable.  Stick with what you knew was right before you met the man you’re dating.  If church attendance, seed sowing, and abstinence were a priority before you met him, it should remain a priority after you’ve met him.  He needs to see your standards, so he can decide if they are worth meeting.  Lowering them now can lead to him not taking you or your “so called” standards seriously later in the relationship.
• G.  Get and stay busy.  You should never put your life on hold while waiting on a mate.  The things that make you happy and fulfilled…do.  Your level of service in ministry…increase.  The busier you are about your father’s business, the less time you will have to think about how single you are.  Besides, there are people out there who need you and what you offer to the kingdom.  How selfish it is for us to deny them our gifts because we are so consumed with the desire to be married?
• O.  Offer praise to God continually.  Thank Him for everything, including your current marital status.  God’s timing is perfect, and He makes no mistakes.  Your thankfulness now will prove you’re more devoted to the Blesser (God) and not the blessing of a mate.
• D.  Devote time to deep conversation.  Once you’ve found someone who is worthy of time spent dating, ask questions–lots of them.  No question is a dumb one to ask, unless of course they do nothing to help you really get to know the person sitting across the table from you.  Find out what his likes and dislikes are, his goals and dreams, his spiritual convictions…and then pay close attention.  Time will tell if what he says lines up with what he does.  If they don’t then you can make a more informed decision about whether or not any more time needs to be invested in the relationship.

Written by Briana Whitaker