I like to
be in control just as much as the next woman. Blame it on my upbringing. I grew up an only child and always liked having my way. Or blame it on the fact that I married in my 30’s after doing things my way for so long. Blame it on my un-regenerated flesh that fights every day to have its way. No matter what is to blame though, I have to admit that trying to be in control in my relationship has put me in uncomfortable positions a few times because well, that’s not my position according to God’s plan for marriage.
I know, I know. Not everyone agrees that a woman should submit to her husband. Besides, we have the ability and intelligence to make our own decisions. But I have to qualify any further comments by saying that the guidelines by which I order my life (the Word of God) say otherwise.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians. 5:22
In my almost four year marriage I’ve learned that the need for control is counterproductive to my relationship. I don’t know about you, but I need my marriage to be productive in every way, which is why I’m willing to work on me and allow the Holy Spirit to do His thing in my life. Here are the reasons I think women (myself included) like to be in control and why we should let that attitude go in our marriages.
1. We believe that if we want something done right we’ve got to do it ourselves. Sometimes women lack confidence in others, especially when their track record has proven to be sub-par. I’ve seen many powerful and influential women who instead of delegating responsibility to others in a task, will take on all of the responsibility themselves or micromanage the entire process to ensure that it’s done the right way–or their way. I’m guilty of this too. In my ten years of being in a leadership position in my church I’ve discovered the error of my ways. Hoarding all the responsibility is a sign of distrust. We are saying, although unintentionally, that “I don’t trust that you will get the job done correctly, so I will do it instead.” Well, my sister, in a r
My husband is a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan. He is so enthused about this team that anytime he sees someone else, stranger included, wearing Cowboys apparel he has to have a conversation with them about the team’s status. Actually, to my husband there is no such thing as a stranger in the Cowboy “nation”. And in the body of Christ or Christ’s “nation” there should be no such thing as a stranger either.
When I heard Shelby Swink’s story about being dumped by her boyfriend of three years only five days before they were scheduled to be married, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that sometimes unanswered prayers are a blessing in disguise. God has a funny way of working things out in our favor even when we can’t or refuse to see how it’s working in our favor at the time. That’s why it’s so important to seek His heart for us and not just His hand. When we spend time learning of Him, we learn His will for our lives and can begin to pray according to that will, not our own. While I’m sure there were warning signs prior to her boyfriend’s admission that he did not love her, for some reason she was unable to see them or either chose to ignore them. Nevertheless, I admire the way that Shelby was able to “embrace the journey that is [her] life and thrive on the fuels of opposition” as one of my fellow authors, Sabrina Memminger, puts it. (www.SabrinaLMemminger.com) Instead of remaining bitter about it, she has chosen to see the blessing in it. Instead of wallowing in complaints, she is thankful that her fiance told her before the wedding rather than waiting two years and two kids down the road. Now that is true. Although his timing was a bit delayed and majorly inconvenient, it was right on time. I don’t know if I would have been so quick to bounce back from the embarrassment and heartache and I definitely know I would think twice about ruining an expensive wedding gown. But hey, if she likes it I love it.
