Tag Archive for Romance

Putting God First-A Practical Application

Posted on May 26, 2017 by

Phew!!! It’s been a minute since I last posted on this blog (two months to be exact.) I’ve been so busy with planning for our new radio talk show, writing my next book, serving in ministry and well, life in general, that I’ve been neglecting to post in this in-depth format. I’d be telling a half truth if I left it at being busy as my only reason for not posting. It’s also been because when I post I want to make sure that I’m posting something with substance and not just posting just to post. This topic has been on my heart lately, so hopefully the wait for new material will be worth it. Fingers crossed! 

Lots of people know Matthew 6:33 and can quote it verbatim. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things shall be added to you.” It’s a very powerful commandment and promise rolled into one, but what does it really look like when put into action by God’s children?

Seeking Him first is more than spending the first part of your day in prayer. It’s more than just going to church every Sunday. It’s more than being nice to people and being a part of a Christian based organization. All of those things are important and certainly have their place, but seeking the Kingdom first is a lot deeper and more challenging than that. It requires a commitment and dedication beyond what is natural and comfortable. It requires sacrifice. Take the parable of the rich man for instance.

This man came to Jesus wondering what more he could do to be saved. He was already keeping all ten commandments and had done so all his life. What else could the Lord require of him? Jesus told him something he had not been expecting–go and sell all of his possessions and come follow Him. The rich man’s heart was broken. He dropped his head at the thought of giving up what he had worked so hard for; the lavish lifestyle he was enjoying; the mark of his success and social status. And for what? To follow Him everywhere He went? The man walked away from Jesus that day because he wasn’t willing to sacrifice for the cause of Christ.

Sacrificing the things that are most valuable to us is putting God first. Jesus wasn’t as concerned about the riches the man had. He’s not requiring His children to live poor, beggarly lives by any means. He came so that we might have life and have it more abundantly. He was concerned, rather, about the condition of his heart. His heart was obviously set on the things he had because he was not willing to part with them, not even for the Lord.

Another example of putting God first is found in Luke 9:57-62 and involves our time. In this passage there are three individuals who speak to Jesus about following Him as His disciples. Two of them actually said, “Lord, I will follow you,” but there were conditions attached. Let me go bury my daddy first, one said. Let me go say goodbye to the folks at my house party first, said another. Jesus’ response was this…”no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back [to the things behind] is fit for the kingdom of God” (AMP) The men had the best of intentions, but when it boiled down to it they were not willing to sacrifice the time they had allotted to other matters that were important to them, not even for the Lord.

But isn’t it important to maintain a certain level of wealth? To attend your own father’s funeral? To show hospitality to the people visiting your home?  Sure they are, but they are not more important than God and His call on your life. He wants to be our number one priority. That’s what true disciples do–they love others and they put God FIRST!

So practically speaking in this day and age, what does that look like? We can’t physically follow Jesus Christ himself anymore, so what can we do that is equivalent to this level of discipleship? Well, one of the thins it means for is being connected to a local body of believers (my church) and committing to the vision given to my pastor from God. It means giving of my resources (money, time, and talents). And it means making the support of ministry my priority. How? I take the needs of the ministry into consideration when I am making plans for how I spend my money and how I spend my time. I use my gifts and talents (writing, singing, working with children etc.) to help the ministry. If conflicts arise between what I want to do and what I’ve been called to do through ministry service (and they sometimes do), I make the tough decision to sacrifice my own desires. It’s not always easy to do, and I’ve grown to this place over time. But my life is so blessed because of it.

It also means seeking to obey His Word in spite of how I may feel about it, who doesn’t agree, or what my flesh is telling me to do contrary to it. I don’t always get it right, y’all and I have to repent often, but I do not practice sin. I choose God’s way over my own. I’ve had to apologize to and love people that I really did not like. I’ve had to abstain from fornication when my flesh wanted to give in. I’ve had to praise God through things I really did not understand. I’ve had to turn down worldly pleasures that other people said was okay to do. I’ve had to turn down opportunities that most people would have jumped on because I was already committed elsewhere. I’ve had to walk in integrity when it was easy to lie or cover my faults. All because I so wanted to please Him. That’s sacrifice. That’s putting God first. And again, my life is blessed because of it. Here’s Christ’s special promise to those who go the extra mile to follow Him.

“…there is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, but he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions and in the world to come eternal life.” (Mark 10:29-30 KJV)

This is an encouragement to you, not to drastically change everything you are doing, but to take inventory of your life and really see how you can give God a little more of your time to serve in your church; how you can give God a little more of your financial resources and tithe consistently. How you can take just one habit that you know is against God’s will and begin to break it with the help of the Lord. I don’t know about you, but I want and need “all these things” to be added to my life. Putting God first, not second or third, is the key.

In what other ways can believers put God first?

2 comments Posted in Relationship with God

Protect Your Heart From Unavailable People

Posted on June 2, 2016 by

Today’s post isEmotionally Unavailable for single men and women. I ran across someone in this situation, so I thought I’d share my two cents in case someone else needs to hear it. I pray that it empowers you to protect a very vital and influential part of you–your heart.

Have you ever had something really important to tell someone and tried calling them, but got their voicemail? Instead of the familiar voice you were hoping to hear so you could get this urgent matter off your chest you hear this, “The person you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time.” Really?!!! It drives me bananas, especially if it’s my husband. What do I do? I keep calling and calling back, hoping that he will finally pick up, and the more I call the more frustrated I get. I begin to wonder, What could he possibly be doing that he can’t hear his phone ringing? I could be having a REAL emergency for all he knows. I’m really not, but the point is I need to talk. I’m feeling annoyed right now just thinking about it.

As frustrating as that might be, being involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable is ten times worst. I’ve been a victim of that too in the past, and I know how confusing and hurtful it can be. So in an effort to try and help a brother or a sister out I thought I’d share a few thoughts about how to handle it when you’re tempted to share your precious heart with an emotionally unavailable person.

First things first. What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable? Jesus dealt with and ministered about this type of person in Matthew 15:8 when He said, “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.” He recognized that the scribes and Pharisees had heart issues. On the outside they looked like they were with the program, but inwardly they lacked a true connection to Him. If they were properly connected they would feel what he felt. If they were properly connected, what was important to him would have been important to them. If they were properly connected they would be going in the same direction, not pulling away from you. Based on that account, I believe this sums it up. An emotionally unavailable person is only partially invested in your relationship. They’re only there to get what they can get out of you, and everything done is on their own terms with little to no regard for your feelings. This type of person is all about looking the part, but not actually interested in being a constant in your life. Jesus wasn’t tolerating this type of treatment from those who were supposed to be on His team and you shouldn’t be either.

Next, you need to know what to look for in an emotionally unavailable person. I don’t have 16 signs as stated in the picture, but I do have about three that I think are tell tale. Like to hear them? Here they go.

Your love interest may be emotionally unavailable if…

  1. They tell you they already have a “friend”, which in translation means “I’m in a relationship that’s complicated.” Don’t complicate things any further by leaving yourself open as an option, especially if this is a friend that for some reason you can’t meet. Pay attention to the red flag that is a’waving.
  2. They never take you out on dates. I said NEVER. The only time you see them is if you visit them at their house or they visit yours. What do you mean we’re not going out? It’s my birthday. You will do better to take yourself out, Hun.
  3. They tell you a lot of wonderful things, but they never back it up with actions. They feel like as long as they talk a good game, no commitment is necessary. Well, maybe the relationship isn’t either.

Lastly, here’s how you can protect yourself from emotionally unavailable people should you ever meet them.

GUARD YOUR HEART!!! 

Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life. Proverbs 4:23

  1. Guard your heart by treading very lightly in the initial friendship stage. By any means necessary, don’t go in counting on having a serious relationship with this person in the future. I know this can be difficult, especially if this person seems to be all that you’ve prayed for. I get it. You feel that you are at the age and stage in life where you are ready to share your heart with that special someone, but WATCH AND WAIT. It’s for your good. We can waste so much time and have our emotions spinning out of control when we fantasize about a future with a currently aloof individual. It’s best to keep those expectations low. I’m not saying you should totally count them out as far as associates go, but if you can’t maintain neutral feelings for them as an associate, let it go. If it’s meant to be it will be without you having to force it.
  2. Since he or she is unavailable you should be also. Let the phone go to voicemail every now and then when they call. Turn down a visit occasionally even if you don’t have any plans. The last thing you want to do is make yourself available to someone who is not going to do the same for you. Don’t give too much of yourself, your time, or your innermost thoughts and feelings to them. Always keep it pretty light. Sharing too much with the wrong person can leave you very vulnerable and hurt in the end.
  3. And most importantly, set your affections on things above (of and relating to the Father) and not on things on the earth (an unavailable person). As the scripture says, if your affections are directed at someone or something, your decisions will follow suit.  So decide to keep your heart in the care of The One who is always available to you in every way–Jesus Christ. You can open yourself up to Him without fear, give Him your heart without reservation, and His love will protect you for eternity.

Now let’s talk. What are other ways to tell if someone is emotionally unavailable? What are other ways to protect ourselves from it?

No comments Posted in Dating, Relationship with Others

Do Tell–A Guide to Determine When It’s Ok to Spill the Beans About Your Sexual Status

Posted on June 3, 2015 by

Have you ever told a guydecision that you were dating that you were either committed to a life of celibacy or plan to remain a virgin until marriage and the relationship took a turn for the worst? I was recently asked how I handled sharing my virgin status as a single woman with the men I dated. I thought it was a good question to explore and that some others may benefit from this discussion.

First of all, your decision to practice celibacy or to remain a virgin until marriage is a very honorable one and one of which to be proud. But let’s face it…not everyone you meet (men in particular) can handle knowing that intimate piece of information about you. Some men, as was the case for the young lady who posed the question, will think that you are issuing them a challenge and may try to see just how long you will hold fast to your convictions. Then once you give in, they’re out or once you prove that you are serious about your commitment and deny them the pleasure of enjoying your garden will be out. So how do you decide with whom to share it and when it is the right time? Here’s what I think.

You should only spill the beans on your sexual status when you’re at a point with the guy you’re dating that things are becoming more serious. If you only went out with him a few times and you are honestly not that into him, there’s no need to even delve into this conversation. I think it is important to wait until you can actually see a future with him. Everyone’s timetable is different on this. It may take a few days, weeks, or months to get to this place depending on the couple. So wait to see if you can sense if this guy is a keeper or not. Now, here’s where a deviation from this plan may occur. If the guy starts making sexual advances towards you, probably because he does not hold your same convictions, you may need to tell him sooner so that he won’t expect to go any further. If he bails on you or stops calling because of this then hold up two fingers and repeat after me, “Deuces!”. You don’t need him anyway.

Now I also think that the atmosphere in which you reveal your status is important. Waiting until after a late-night, romantic date when the slightest touch from your sweetie pie sends goosebumps up and down your spine, may not be the best time to tell him. You are both feeling less guarded in the “heat” of the moment; thus less prone to make rational, God-honoring decisions. A daytime stroll in the park or lunch date might make a safer atmosphere because hormones aren’t typically raging in a more neutral environment, and your date may receive this revelation a little better. Regardless to how he receives it though, it is worth discussing.

To sum this all up, it is a good idea to let the significant man in your life know where you stand. Of course you run the risk of him either valuing or not valuing your decision. So what if this news causes the relationship to take a turn for the worst? I would argue that it is actually a turn for the best because you now see the man’s character, and at the end of the day the person you really want to be pleased with your decisions is God. His opinion is the only one that matters, and in God’s eyes holiness is still right for all of His children–in a relationship or not.

These are just my thoughts. What do you think?

 

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2 comments Posted in Dating
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