I wasn’t ready, saints. I thought I had until my son at least turned one before having to deal with temper tantrums, but not so. One night while I was putting him down to sleep he got really fussy. I knew he wanted to nurse, but I didn’t give in to his demands because I knew he wasn’t hungry. Do you know what he did next? That adorable baby of mine threw his arms down with his little fists balled up and grunted loudly, frowning up his face at me. No he didn’t just give me attitude, I thought. A friend of mine joked, saying that the man inside him is standing up already. Well, I need that man to sit down–pronto! I’m sure you’re wondering how I handled that first surge of testosterone. I looked him straight in the eye with as stern a face as I could make and said “NO” with an even more stern tone of voice. I think he got the picture. The man inside him did actually sit down, at least for the moment, because his frown softened, he stopped grunting, and he went on to sleep.
That was my first encounter with disciplining my son, and it wasn’t so bad. Honestly though, I have mixed feelings about my son’s first spanking.
On one hand I’m looking forward to proving to the world and to myself that I’m no pushover when it comes to my child. I also want my son to know that like Homie the Clown, mommy don’t play that. But on the other hand, I am not looking forward to picking up a belt and making him cry. I don’t think any parent looks forward to it. But some people I know seem to spank with ease. Lord knows I will need help with this. The Lord who is my help, knowing just what I need has provided his Word as a source of instruction and comfort.
Before my son was born I was adamant about me being a better disciplinarian than my husband because of my teaching experience. But now that I see that adorable little face I have to pray for the strength to do what needs to be done on that blessed day when Gabe makes a poor decision (and he will) that warrants the rod of correction. Lord, Jesus be a belt and a box of Kleenex for me afterwards. Nevertheless, no matter how undesirable discipline is to the giver and the receiver, it MUST be done. Here’s why.
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
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other. Many parents make the mistake of trying to befriend their child, which makes parenting their child a catch 22. They worry that the child won’t like them if they correct them. I can understand that ” friend verses discipli
narian” relationship as a school counselor. My role on my job is to be a student’s adult friend so to speak. I try to make them feel comfortable enough around me to tell me anything, and for the most part they do because I do not handle discipline in the way an administrator would. Because of that, I have to be really careful not to carry that same mentality home to my own child. I just love it that Gabe loves and even likes being around me, but at the end of the day I would rather he respect me.Do keep my word. I will try my best to prove to my son that I am a woman of my word and that I follow through. Therefore, I will make every effort not to make promises that I cannot and have no intentions of keeping, particularly when disciplining him. For example, if he does something inappropriate, instead of giving idol threats that may tempt someone to call DSS (use your imagination here) or threatening to cancel the birthday party that I spent lots of time and energy planning, I will correct him with a punishment that is realistic and that fits the crime.
Do keep my cool. As much as my son’s behavior may have an impact on my mood at times, I will try my best not to discipline him when I am angry. That kind of goes back to keeping my word. If I say that I will send him to his room or spank him for doing something wrong, I need to do just that if he decides to continue the behavior before I allow my agitation to flare up. Letting him push the envelope over and over again only grinds my gears the more, and if I’m frustrated I probably won’t do much of the next discipline do, which is…
Do keep teaching. I will try to use discipline as an opportunity to teach, meaning that a spanking should be preceded by a conversation about the behavior and what would have been more acceptable. At times that conversation needs to be focused on what the Word of God says about the behavior. Showing him that obeying me is also obeying God may prove to be more impactful and hopefully encourage his relationship with the Father to deepen. To keep teaching I will also be intentional about modeling appropriate behavior in front of him. That means that the things I may normally do or say before thinking will need to be adjusted for his sake. I am not saying that I will pretend to be superhuman in front of my son, but I am saying that in my effort to practice responding better to upsetting stimuli, I may actually permanently change my reaction to upsetting stimuli. So he benefits by seeing a good example, and I benefit by improving my attitude. We both win!
I know that there will be lots more opportunities to train him as he ages, and I am determined to do it according to God’s standards. It may be hard at times, and I may have my mad-as-heck Madea moments; but I understand the awesome task to which God has called my husband and me. He has entrusted us with the great responsibility to care for, nurture, protect, and mold him through discipline and setting the right example. And we will do those things to set him up for success in this life.
I want to hear from all the parents reading this. What was it like for you when you had to discipline your child for the first time? What advice can you give me or any others who need help with this?
