I’m about to share a very intimate moment that my husband and I had recently (with his permission of course). We started doing a book study on marriage together a few weeks ago to help reconnect us after having a new baby in the house. You parents know how a marriage can experience strain with the introduction of a child. The child gets most of the attention and well, spouses get very little from each other unless it is directly relating to the child. So we decided we needed to work on “us” again.
While studying one particular chapter on irreconcilable differences, I was reminded of how good a man my husband is and more importantly how godly he is. I admitted to him that at times in the past I have felt like he has put me on the back burner for other things like work and church. Of all the things I could complain about, there I was giving the man a hard time about two very important aspects of our lives. As I said it, I could hear how petty I sounded complaining about how he rushes out the door on his way to work (he has more than enough time to get there), which means that we don’t have time for the lingering goodbyes I’d prefer; and how adamant he is to get to church on time every Sunday that he doesn’t seem to mind if I miss breakfast in the process or leaving me behind to drive myself. Those things actually annoyed me until he shared some profound wisdom that made me feel extra foolish and extra proud to be his wife all at once.
“Being at church on time is important to me because I know that I need God’s help to take care of my family,” he said. “That’s where our blessings come from.”
It was simply put, but spoke volumes about his faith and the depths of his heart for me. His motivation is to be a provider for us, and he’s doing it by faith. As I’ve mentioned in Wait on God, I currently make more money than my husband does, but he is still a provider nonetheless. First and foremost, he is providing the spiritual covering that we need. As far as money goes, He knows that a job is just a resource, but God is THE source. He knows that the favor of God is worth more than any amount of money on a paycheck. He knows that he is accountable to God for the well-being of our family. He is standing on the promise that if we obey and serve Him we shall spend our days in prosperity and our years in pleasures, (Job 36:11) and that as the head of our family it starts with him. That also explained to me why he’s so determined to get to work early each day. He wants to insure that he honors God even on his job for the benefit of our family. And isn’t that what we want–a man who loves God more than he loves us, so that he can in fact love us the way the Father intends for us as wives to experience love according to Ephesians 5:25?
Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
So married ladies (especially those of us who are heavily involved in ministry), take it from me. Before you give your husband a hard time about his spiritual and natural convictions that you don’t understand, consider how those things communicate his commitment to and his sacrifice for you and your family. You just might be like me and fall in love all over again.
I’d like to hear from you. How have you and your spouse stayed emotionally connected after having children? Please share!
Great article! I will have to order this book. I always enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Thanks, Tamikka! This book is in the EMBC Bookstore.
Great! I will get it from our bookstore. Thanks.
This was such a sweet & well-written blog! I need to rethink some things myself 🙂 One way my husband & I stay connected after having 3 kids now (all under 6) is to keep it simple. Pillow talks. Watching a basketball game or a tv show after the kids are down. Playing UNO or Phase 10. Working out together. Laughing ALOT. Cooking together. Riding to/from church together (40 minute ride). Scheduling a date night/date day/ dessert date/etc once a month (ANY activity without kids). We’re also going through a marriage book together 😉 Hope that helps!
Esther!!! It’s great to hear from you, Sis! These are great ideas and definitely help. It can get so easy to just do NOTHING, especially when you’re tired. But we owe it to each other to spend that quality time together. Even cuddling is a simple treat for us now. 🙂 By the way, what book are you studying?
The book is “You & Me Forever” by Francis and Lisa Chan. I’ll tell you now – this book will COMPLETELY challenge everything you know about Biblical marriage. I hated this book at times lol but it opens you to see Marriage in light of Jesus and what He’s called us to do. Here’s the website: http://www.youandmeforever.org
I will check it out. Thanks!
I absolutely love this article. I beleive we can all admit that there has been a time or two where we needed to work on ‘us’. As a wife, we can be stretched in so many ways to make sure everything goes smoothly. In the process, we lose ourselves and we don’t have time or energy to have pillow talk. Truth be told the pillow feels good and you just want sleep.
But when you sit and think, you realize that something is wrong here, something is missing. You look at the calendar and realized the last time you had date night was 3 months ago. That’s because my calendar is covered in color coded pen to mark band practice, homework, hair appt., doctor appt. The list can go on
So what do me and my husband do? We sit one and one and ask each other honestly where am I lacking? Where is our time being spread? What can we cut out? What can wait so we can have that quality time? When we figure that out, we start shifting around. Doing something at least once a week. Sometimes that can be scrabble, watching Lifetime movies together-lol, reading to our youngest together. It’s the little things that count. I tell people the things you did when you were dating to keep them, to fall in love all over again – do it while married! Be blessed
LaSheena! Thank you my friend for offering these helpful suggestions for me and my subscribers. I can see that you manage marriage and family well with the help of the Lord. 🙂